


Of Golden Scars and Scarlet Flames

by mizrosecat



Series: stravverse [7]
Category: EXO (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Byun Baekhyun-centric, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Sex, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartache, Heavy Angst, I Tried, Idiots in Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Miscommunication, Park Chanyeol is a Little Shit, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Sweet/Hot, The Author Regrets Everything, They said Chanyeol is a dickhead here so I'm letting you know, Things take a turn for the worst, Top/Bottom Versatile Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Toxic Relationship, but I'm trying my best, mostly chanyeol top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27623033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizrosecat/pseuds/mizrosecat
Summary: From the moment they meet, Chanyeol and Baekhyun mean a lot to each other. But as the years pass, they start to think their feelings could be their undoing.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, minor baekyong
Series: stravverse [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802713
Comments: 116
Kudos: 96
Collections: Kpop951





	1. The start

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone!  
> if you don't know me, welcome. this is a canon compliant story that starts from their trainee days and ends in nov 2020. it's focused on their relationship through baekhyun's pov. it has a brief baekyong phase. however, it's small and **chanbaek is endgame**. this is attached to a bigger series but stands on its own.
> 
> if you came here from another fic in the series, welcome back! i hope you enjoy this one too :)
> 
> have a good reading everyone ♥

After dozens of times, Baekhyun falls to the floor, feeling his bones and muscles hurt. He's panting and sweating, fighting the urge to throw up. The choreographer and his members are gathering their things and leaving for the night, but Baekhyun stays behind.

He hydrates a bit, slowly. 

Now that the room is empty and barely lit, he runs it one more time, still unsatisfied with the shadow he sees in the mirror. He feels ungainly and awkward, nothing like Jongin or Yixing or Sehun, it doesn't matter that he can memorize the steps quickly if he can't execute them well. So he goes again and again and again.

His legs are shaking as he bends over, hands on his knees. There's only pain all over and Baekhyun feels tears burning in the back of his eyes. 

"Hey."

Someone calls from the entrance.

"What are you still doing here?"

Baekhyun looks at the tall silhouette approaching him. He recognizes him before his face comes into the light. Chanyeol. Baekhyun readjusts his cap to try to hide his eyes. He manages to put on a smile.

"Hey. Just running over the choreography one more time."

"Still? You should be careful not to get injured" says Chanyeol. "How are we going to debut without you?"

Chanyeol stops next to him and smiles. Baekhyun knows he means well but he can't control his shaking lips and the sob that's been building up inside his throat. All he can do is look down and away from him, as the tears finally well up. 

“Hey, wait, what happened?” Chanyeol asks, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sorry” Baekhyun sniffles, wiping his face on his sleeve. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”

Baekhyun can tell Chanyeol is watching him and feels self-conscious. He probably thinks so little of Baekhyun right now. 

"Come here. Sit down with me" says Chanyeol, guiding him by the arm to the room's sofa.

They sit side by side. 

"You can come to me, whenever you need," he says. "I know that you were the last of us to join but that doesn't make you any less-"

"But it does" Baekhyun interrupts him. "I barely trained for a year… and I'm not good enough."

He has a hard time pushing out the words through the lump in his throat. 

"I was gonna say it doesn't make you any less of our friend," Chanyeol says and Baekhyun feels stupid. "But I guess now I understand why you're killing yourself after hours."

Baekhyun just keeps looking down.

"You were chosen to debut in EXO-K for a reason," says Chanyeol, tentatively putting his hand on Baekhyun's back. "Of course you are ready."

"It doesn't feel like it" Baekhyun vents, the point of physical contact between them making him more comfortable. "It feels like I'm lagging behind…"

"Baekhyun," says Chanyeol, taking his chin to make Baekhyun look at him. "Have you heard yourself sing?"

Baekhyun wants to laugh at the rhetorical question. 

"But-"

"No buts" Chanyeol cuts him off. "Your voice is one of the most beautiful I've ever heard. Maybe the most."

Baekhyun is left speechless after that and under Chanyeol's honest stare. He lets go of Baekhyun's chin. 

"Thanks" he finally says. "I like your voice too."

Chanyeol smirks. "Thanks."

"I-I mean it. I'm not saying it just because you complimented me."

"I believe you" Chanyeol just keeps smiling at him, making Baekhyun blush. "Come here."

Chanyeol pulls him into a hug. Baekhyun lets himself fall into that embrace, from someone quite larger than him, and feel pretty good in it. He closes his eyes and enjoys the moment. 

"Now let's go home and get you out of these dirty practice clothes," says Chanyeol.

Baekhyun bursts out a laugh. "Okay."

They get up and start heading out.

"What were you doing here this late anyway?" asks Baekhyun.

"Just playing the drums" he says. "I blame my usual insomnia. And I don't have a lot of time lately so I was missing it."

"So it was just coincidence that you caught me tonight?"

"Yeah. How long have you been doing this?"

"A while…"

"Baekhyun" he facepalms. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

"I didn't though" he smiles apologetically.

"Your muscles aren't killing you?" Chanyeol arches a brow at him. 

"Er…"

Chanyeol laughs and Baekhyun joins him. 

When they get to the dorm, they take turns in the shower.

"Sit on the counter," Chanyeol asks in the bathroom. 

They are both in a set of fresh clothes and the house is asleep, so they try to keep quiet. 

“Where does it hurt?” Chanyeol asks.

“Thighs and hams” Baekhyun confesses.

Chanyeol picks up an ointment from his pocket and spreads in his hands. 

“Lift up your shorts,” he says. Baekhyun obeys.

Chanyeol has very large hands, Baekhyun realizes as soon as he puts his palms on his thigh and starts massaging it gently. Baekhyun hisses at the pain caused by the contact. Chanyeol keeps going, firm and slow, while Baekhyun just watches, somewhat mesmerized by his care. Eventually, Chanyeol does his other thigh, leaving both of them with the strong scent of the ointment. 

Chanyeol moves to wash his hands and Baekhyun jumps down from the sink.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“I mean, thanks” Baekhyun keeps going. “For everything tonight.”

Chanyeol gives him the shadow of a smile. 

“I meant it too,” he says. “You can come to me whenever you want.”

Baekhyun smiles, feeling the happiest in weeks, maybe months. 

"I will. Goodnight."

And they both did.

Whenever they felt bad, they’d look for each other first. When they were sick, they sought comfort in one another. And in a room full of people, they found each other when they laughed.

Baekhyun loved all his members, but Chanyeol held a special place in his heart. It was not something he really disclosed to anyone and even among the two of them it was just a silent agreement, something that lived in between the lines of their interactions. But they were always fooling around and playing videogames together, so it was easy to see their bond.

It’s a stormy night in July when they are staying up late together again, over a year after their debut. They are lounging comfortably in the living room, watching a movie, but more like talking over it. Baekhyun is making Chanyeol laugh as always, it’s so easy and he loves doing that, but because everyone is probably asleep, they need to keep it quiet. 

“Chanyeol” smiles Baekhyun, nudging his shoulder. “Stop it.”

That only makes Chanyeol laugh harder. Baekhyun scoots closer and covers Chanyeol’s mouth with his hand, shushing him. Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s wrist but doesn’t pull him away. Instead, he starts taking deep breaths through his nose, trying to calm down. Baekhyun has got his eyes on him, faces close together. He’s scouring Chanyeol’s features illuminated only by the tv. 

_ “I feel like this is, uh, some dream world we're in, y'know _ " the movie keeps going in the background.

_ "Yeah, it's so weird. It's like our time together is just ours. It's our own creation. It must be like I'm in your dream, and you in mine, or something." _

Chanyeol is looking over at him, not making a move to take Baekhyun’s hand off his face.

_ “And what's so cool is that this whole evening, all our time together, shouldn't officially be happening." _

Baekhyun is locked in that moment. That stare. It’s like they are transported to another place. He moves his hand slowly away from Chanyeol’s mouth to the cheek.

_ “Yeah, I know. Maybe that's why this feels so otherworldly." _

Chanyeol’s hand on his wrist is a tight grip as he pulls on it, bringing Baekhyun near. He feels butterflies take over his stomach as their noses brush together. Baekhyun has no idea what they’re doing, him and Chanyeol, but he still shuts his eyes and closes the rest of the distance between their mouths.

They stay like that for a while, just lips against lips. Chanyeol’s are warm and soft, and suddenly they open up under Baekhyun’s. That wakes him up.

It’s real. They’re kissing.

Baekhyun thinks he should be terrified but he’s not. He’s just curious, he wants to keep going, to see where this goes. So he starts kissing Chanyeol like he’d kiss any other girl he’s been with before. Not that there were many, but still. He isn’t completely clueless. Neither is Chanyeol.

They are holding each other by the nape, giving into the touch while the movie and storm outside keep rolling. Baekhyun searches for Chanyeol’s tongue and he gets chills down his body as they brush them together, wet and soft.

Chanyeol’s fingers slide to Baekhyun’s hair, clutching it firmly. Their bodies are molding together, seeking the warmth of one another.

Baekhyun is about to pull Chanyeol by the waist when a noise startles them apart. Suddenly someone turns on the lights.

“What are you doing up?” it’s Junmyeon.

“Movie” Chanyeol and Baekhyun say in unison.

Junmyeon goes to the kitchen to get himself some water.

“It’s late.”

“I guess you’re right” Baekhyun sighs. “I’m off to bed. Goodnight.”

He leaves without looking at neither of them, trying to conceal the semi in his shorts. On his bed, he pulls the covers close, taking a deep breath to relax. He can actually hear Junmyeon and Chanyeol turning off the tv and getting back to their rooms. And Chanyeol bunks with him, so he hears his steps closing in and for a moment Baekhyun imagines he’ll come to poke at him or something - for what reason Baekhyun doesn’t know. A part of him wants Chanyeol to do it, to lay down with him under the covers and possibly keep going what they were doing in the living room. But that’s insanity with Minseok and Tao both asleep in the same room. Chanyeol just lays in his bed alone and Baekhyun doesn’t move an inch, barely breathing, pretending too hard to be asleep. 

The next days, it’s like nothing happened. Baekhyun is a bit awkward around Chanyeol but he can mask it well by being his extra self and soon both of them are at their shenanigans again. Baekhyun thinks maybe it was just one of those things people do when they go to college, except it’s their idol version of it. Making out with your same-sex friend out of curiosity, just to see what’s like. He can’t deny he liked it.

It’s a week later. Chanyeol is brushing his teeth before bed when Baekhyun knocks and comes in to do the same. Something totally normal for them. They regard each other through the mirror casually and keep at it like it’s nothing. Chanyeol rinses his mouth, then Baekhyun does the same. Chanyeol dries his face, Baekhyun does the same.

Baekhyun hears the lock turn on the door. Instead of leaving, Chanyeol looks at him. Baekhyun wants to say something, ask what he’s doing, but his mind goes blank. Chanyeol takes a couple of steps towards him, taking Baekhyun’s hands, lips touching the top of his head. Baekhyun shuts his eyes instantly, feeling a jolt of energy run all over his body. Chanyeol's lips are coming down to find his and Baekhyun just wants to meet them. So he lifts his chin and gets on his tiptoes. 

They don't hesitate to start kissing this time. Baekhyun wraps his arms around Chanyeol's neck while the other grips him by the waist. Chanyeol is much more in charge of the kiss now, any past hesitation gone, and Baekhyun quickly finds out he enjoys that very much, as he is lifted and put on the counter. Chanyeol gets in between his legs and their chests are flushed against each other. The kiss deepens as they nibble and lick with intent, exploring one another, wanting to taste more with each movement.

Baekhyun doesn't realize how breathless and dizzy he is until someone tries to open the door.

"Just a sec," says Chanyeol quickly.

He looks at Baekhyun one last time before helping him down the sink and tidying his clothes. Whatever his eyes are saying is a mystery to Baekhyun, who just combs his hair with his fingers and makes sure his shirt is covering his crotch. Chanyeol opens the door.

Jongdae and Sehun are waiting outside.

"What are you doing in there?" asks Jongdae.

"Brushing teeth" Baekhyun and Chanyeol say, getting out.

"Why did you lock the door?" Sehun says.

The two of them just shrug and stalk to their room in silence. They don't dare say a word as they get in their beds and tuck themselves in. Baekhyun is turned on his side, mindlessly going through his phone, still feeling the heat of Chanyeol's lips on his, before he finally gives himself to sleep. 


	2. The bump

Somehow, making out becomes a part of “Baekhyun and Chanyeol”, adding to the long list of things they already do, from work to pastimes. They manage to keep it hidden for a while, until Minseok walks in on them in their room, kissing on Baekhyun's bed.

And then Sehun walks in on them kissing in the living room.

And then Jongin walks in on them kissing in the bathroom.

And at that point, they aren't really trying to hide it anymore, at least not inside the house. It becomes an open secret between EXO, something all of them know but don't talk about. Except, of course, for Junmyeon's attempt to sit them down and have a mature discussion about it.

"I think we should talk about it," he says.

"Talk about what?" Chanyeol asks.

"Your thing."

"What thing?" now it's Baekhyun's turn to clown him.

"You know what I mean."

They stay silent. Junmyeon sighs.

"Fine. Have it your way. But come talk to me if you feel the need to."

The leader leaves the kitchen. Baekhyun and Chanyeol stare at each other trying not to laugh. 

"Get over here," says Chanyeol, grabbing Baekhyun by the hips and putting him over the counter.

Baekhyun giggles as he receives pecks all over his neck.

"Ugh. Do you guys ever stop that?" asks Tao, who just showed up to get a drink.

"They are kinda cute," says Yixing.

"Hell no," says Tao.

"Thanks for the unwanted input everyone" answers Chanyeol.

"You're welcome" Yixing winks at them.

It's undeniable that Baekhyun and Chanyeol are living in their own little world. And sometimes Baekhyun fears it might be too good to be true.

His fears come to a boil during the afterparty for the Melon Music Awards at the Four Seasons, where they just won Album of the Year.

He and Chanyeol sneak to a restroom where they end up finding Taemin and Jongin looking just as high on victory.

What Baekhyun thinks is just gonna be a make-out session is actually a proposition.

Chanyeol shows him a key card.

"I booked a room. I was thinking maybe we could spend the night."

He seems excited, but unsure of himself.

"Oh" Baekhyun smiles nervously. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" confirms Chanyeol.

"Let's slip away" says Baekhyun.

They get to their suite. It's big and luxurious. Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol is blowing his payment on that.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom," he says. 

Baekhyun splashes some water on his face, hands trembling. He suddenly realizes how nervous he got at the implications of spending a night alone with Chanyeol after they've been making out for months, without taking it much further than kissing probably because they shared a home with ten other men. There was no such thing as privacy.

But now that Chanyeol got them some, it has Baekhyun hyperventilating at the idea of actually doing anything. They had seen each other naked before but never in a sexual context. He can't deny the part of him that gets very horny when they get together, but now that the possibility is present, Baekhyun is freaking out. He doesn't know that much about gay sex, except for the things that work the same as with a girl. Maybe he wouldn't mind doing that. But what if Chanyeol wants more? Baekhyun doesn't think he's ready for that, either way it goes.

He takes a couple of deep breaths and walks back into the room. Chanyeol has made himself comfortable on the bed, jacket and shoes gone, shirt a couple of buttons open. 

"Hey" Chanyeol beams at him. "Come here."

Baekhyun takes his shoes and jacket before kneeling on the bed beside Chanyeol, who pulls him for a kiss. But before it can deepen, Baekhyun leans back.

"Channie."

"Yeah?"

"I-I don't think I'm ready."

"For what?" Chanyeol looks puzzled.

"For… sex," he says, feeling his cheeks flush.

Chanyeol smiles.

"I don't care about that. I just wanna spend some time alone with you. Doing whatever you want."

"Oh, okay" Baekhyun chuckles, feeling stupid.

"Get here" Chanyeol pulls him into his arms and Baekhyun settles in happily. 

He sighs and closes his eyes as Chanyeol nuzzles the back of his ear. They are cozy and comfortable and all of Baekhyun's troubles from before fade away. They enjoy each other and have a proper night of sleep together for the first time, on a decent bed, under soft sheets, skin to skin clinging close as they are dressed down to their underwear. 

It's the most intimate and romantic moment Baekhyun has ever had with anyone so far in his life. And he really likes it. 

After the night at the Four Seasons, it doesn't take long for Baekhyun to realize that he might have feelings for Chanyeol. Just thinking about it gives him butterflies in his stomach, and when they are together the butterflies produce a whirlwind. He tries not to make it super obvious because he's afraid of the implications. If he's truly in love with Chanyeol, what does that mean for EXO? And for their friendship? But most importantly, does Chanyeol like him back?

Baekhyun makes a mission to gauge his feelings. And by the way, Chanyeol looks, touches, and kisses him, he thinks like it's mutual.

He kinda wants to tell him, see how Chanyeol will react. But he's also scared because everything is going great and he doesn't want to tamper with it.

Things between them are great indeed. But not so much around them.

It's late at night when Baekhyun stalks towards the kitchen and suddenly hears his name, making him stop on his trails.

"...what if someone finds out? It's reckless," says Tao.

"What are you implying? That one of us will rat them out?" Yixing retorts.

"They can get caught," says Kris.

The members are talking in mandarin but Baekhyun can understand enough. 

"It's a scandal waiting to happen" insists Tao.

Baekhyun feels his blood freeze.

"You're worrying about things that might never happen" reasons Yixing. "Just relax a bit."

They keep talking but Baekhyun doesn't want to hear anymore. He goes back to his room and climbs into bed with a sleeping Chanyeol, huddling close to him.

"Hyunnie? What happened?" he asks, surprised, in a rugged voice.

He doesn't answer, just pulls Chanyeol closer to him, and Chanyeol wraps his arms around him, their bodies molding against each other. Baekhyun shuts his eyes, inhaling his scent deeply, trying to push down the fears crawling inside him. 

Baekhyun chooses to forget what he heard in the kitchen that night.

The winter holidays come and everyone gets time off to see their families. But Baekhyun decides it will be a fun idea to go back to the empty dorm a couple of days earlier than everyone else to spend time with Chanyeol.

"It's good that you called me" says Chanyeol, as they settle on the living room couch. "I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah? what's up?" Baekhyun smiles.

"I've been thinking" he starts. "Maybe what we are doing is not such a good idea."

Baekhyun's world stops.

"What?"

Chanyeol fidgets, unable to look him in the eyes.

"I think we should stop."

He can distinctly hear the sound of his heart cracking.

It sounds like a sad song on repeat in his mind.

"Did something happen?" Baekhyun manages to say without choking, remembering the night in the kitchen.

"It's just not a smart idea to keep this going" Chanyeol says. "It was fun while it lasted but we should stop before things get serious."

Baekhyun is staring down at his hands. 

"You're right. Of course."

Silence.

"I should probably go" Chanyeol gets up. "I'll see you soon."

And with that, he is gone.

Baekhyun can finally let the sob that has been building up in his chest out. His eyes water up to the point where he can't see. He barely registers what's happening rationally. One moment they are about to spend time together, something he’s been anticipating for a while, and the next Chanyeol is gone. One moment he is in love with him and believes Chanyeol likes him back, but clearly he was wrong. 

Maybe Chanyeol and Tao were right. Maybe it was all a house of cards waiting to fall apart, to blow up in their faces, and Chanyeol is defusing the situation before it did, sparing them the career-ending scandals that could come up from their little escapades. Maybe Baekhyun should thank him for being the responsible one.

But the thing is, it wasn’t just a little escapade for Baekhyun anymore. It is obvious now how much he cared, how much his heart was in it, and how much it hurts to see him walk away. 

Baekhyun curls up on the couch, tears still flowing freely. It’s cold and snowing. The house is empty and he feels painfully alone. All he wants is for Chanyeol to come back through the door, but he knows that’s not happening. He cries himself to sleep.

It’s not the last time that happens. But he becomes really good at holding it together in front of everyone. Putting on a show, throwing a joke out to mask what’s really going on. Because it’s so much easier. Eventually, everyone picks up on the fact that Baekhyun and Chanyeol aren’t smooching around the house anymore, but they don’t comment on it.

Baekhyun resumes his late night practices because staying out of the house is so easy.

He doesn’t expect to run into Taeyeon one time, but he’s happy he does. She has always been sweet to him and he always admired her. Taeyeon helps him with his singing and he enjoys the attention. They start seeing each other regularly, as often as they can, with the pretext of Taeyeon mentoring him. But they also have a lot of fun together, and it’s everything Baekhyun needs to take his mind away from his broken heart. 

One night, Taeyeon is driving Baekhyun back to the dorms.

“Thanks, noona” he smiles. “You’re really helping me improve.”

“Baekhyunnie, you’re already great. I’m just teaching you some tricks” she giggles, throwing her hair back.

He takes off the seatbelt to hug her goodbye. She smells of something sweet and flowery. It’s soothing. Baekhyun realizes he’s not backing away and neither is she, who’s slowly rubbing his back. He gets a feeling in his gut suddenly and decides to drop all reservations to follow it. 

Baekhyun pulls back a bit to kiss her cheek. When she doesn't protest, Baekhyun kisses the corner of Taeyeon's mouth. She grabs him by the hair gently and kisses him on the lips. It's a chaste and contained touch, but still good enough to make Baekhyun delighted. 

After a while, he pulls away and lets out a nervous chuckle. 

"I-I hope you are okay with that" he whispers.

Taeyeon smiles and pinches his cheek.

“Of course I am. You’re cute.”

He giggles.

“I should go. It’s late” he says. “I’ll text you.”

“Goodnight!”

“Bye-bye!”

Baekhyun gets home feeling his heart beating strongly against his chest. He gulps a glass of water to calm himself down. Getting ready for bed, he realizes he’s excited about what just happened. He never imagined a woman like Taeyeon to be interested in him. She’s pretty, talented, successful, older. He thought she was out of his league. But apparently, Taeyeon liked him enough to kiss him back. What he figured was just a friendship suddenly has the possibility of something more.

But when his head is on his pillow, Baekhyun can’t help the old ache in his heart to flare up a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see the story is kind of fast-paced! it makes sense because it covers a lot of years tho, lmao, and I'm not one to make giant endless fics. I like to stick to specific events/moments and leave to the background what holds less significance. if you are reading my taekai you'll understand what I mean by this.
> 
> I'm also planning on finishing to upload this before next year, and for that, I'll need at least 2 chapters out per week. let's get it!
> 
> see you soon and be safe ♥


	3. The scandal

Baekhyun and Taeyeon are soon infatuated with each other. They drive at night after practice when they can, kissing in the car. Baekhyun likes her soft long hair, likes how her breasts and small waist feel under his hands, and likes the taste of her watermelon lip balm. 

But most importantly, Baekhyun likes that Taeyeon gives him what Chanyeol didn’t.

Commitment.

He feels secure with her and that’s something he’s learned to value a lot, after having the rugged pulled from under him by Chanyeol so abruptly. He finds comfort in his relationship with Taeyeon.

Until, of course, the scandal.

It’s right after Kris files the lawsuit, so everyone is already on edge and the mood is generally somber. Firstly, what scares Baekhyun the most is Chanyeol’s reaction. Because he never told him anything about his new girlfriend, even if they eventually went back to their old dynamic as just friends. 

Turns out Chanyeol doesn’t say a thing. He doesn’t give a sketch of a reaction. It’s like he just doesn’t give a single shit.

That hurts Baekhyun’s ego a bit. He thought the old fling would at least seem a bit affected, but nothing, zero, null. Baekhyun files that away though, because he suddenly has to deal with a flood of hate and backlash for having his relationship disclosed to the fans and public. He imagined it would be bad, but not that bad. He couldn’t phantom something that brought him so much joy, could also cause so much rage on people. A part of him hoped that maybe some of them would be happy for him, and maybe a few were, but the haters were so much louder, they overshadowed the rest. 

The next months are hard. Soon, Luhan also files a lawsuit and leaves. Sehun, who already felt the hardest when Kris quit the group, is left devastated. Chanyeol starts bunking with him and keeps him close, taking care of the maknae. 

Baekhyun and Taeyeon have to mostly ignore social media, where they are constantly under attack. To say that they aren’t shaken by what happened, and still happens, is a lie. They try to find comfort and strength in one another, but the damage is done. Their precious bubble has burst. What once was Baekhyun’s happy place is now the source of headaches and guilt and insomnia.

He's been tossing and turning in bed, uncomfortable and annoyed. Baekhyun decides he's had enough and gets up, feeling thirsty. He stalks to the kitchen only to find someone in the living room already. He startles a bit.

"Hey," he says. "Can't sleep?"

"You know me," says Chanyeol. "What about you?"

"Same" he sighs, going to the kitchen to fix himself some hot cocoa. It's cold outside and he's been craving it. "Watching a movie?"

"Just whatever is on cable," Chanyeol says, sounding bored.

"Do you want some hot choco milk?" 

Chanyeol chuckles. "Sure. Why not."

Baekhyun fixes them two cups and sits on the couch.

"Thanks," says Chanyeol. 

"You're welcome."

They sip in silence not really paying attention to the movie in front of them. 

_ “Then I… I have these dreams…” _

_ “What dreams?” _

_ “I have these dreams, you know, that... I'm standing on a platform, and... you keep going by on a train, and... you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know?” _

“Baekhyun” Chanyeol suddenly says but doesn’t look at him. 

“Hm?”

“I wanted to tell you that” he keeps going. “That I’m really sorry for what you went through.”

Baekhyun freezes as he watches Chanyeol struggle with words.

“You both don’t deserve this hate. And if you need to talk, or anything, I hope you know you can still come to me.”

_ “...and I feel like I'm a million miles from her and I know that there's something... wrong! You know, that I ca... that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment…” _

He’s speechless. Chanyeol remains over there, while Baekhyun’s over here, looking at him. Almost a year after basically being dumped by Chanyeol, their friendship is somewhat back to how it used to be. But they never really talked about stuff like that, much less Baekhyun’s relationship. They kept things light and fun. 

_ “But then I think that... I might have given up... on the whole idea of romantic love. That I... I might have put it to bed that... that day when you weren't there.” _

“Thanks” Baekhyun finally says, trying to keep his voice normal. “That means a lot.”

Chanyeol nods. Baekhyun pretends to watch the movie as he keeps drinking his hot cocoa. Eventually, he passes out on the couch, only to wake up in his bed the next morning. Which can only mean one thing. Chanyeol carried him to his room. The idea leaves a warm feeling all over his body and he decides not to overthink it.

From that night on, Baekhyun finally feels complete after a rough year. He imagines 2015 will be great and wishes to put the troubles behind him. He even feels energized to dedicate time and mend his relationship as best as he can, after being under fire for so long. 

The optimism doesn’t last long, as four months into the year, Tao suddenly leaves. They started as twelve, and now they are nine. 

“I’m  _ not _ leaving” reassures Yixing one more time to a distraught Sehun.

Everyone is sitting in the practice room, waiting for news from the staff on what exactly is happening. Junmyeon is the only one standing, pacing around nervously. Baekhyun is on the floor against the mirror, with Chanyeol by his side. The group is mostly silent and downcast. Baekhyun takes a deep breath, not believing they are going through this again.

Suddenly, he feels Chanyeol take his hand, interlacing their fingers. It’s like an anchor holding him from drifting into his anxieties. Because of it, he’s grounded and calmer than he was before. He squeezes Chanyeol’s palm, expressing his gratitude. 

Later that night, Yixing and Minseok are sleeping with Sehun, leaving Baekhyun alone in his room.

“Hey” Chanyeol pops up, knocking on the door. “Need a place to crash.”

“Make yourself comfortable,” says Baekhyun, pointing to the beds.

“Not that I’ll be getting much sleep” Chanyeol sighs. 

Baekhyun eyes him as he sits on Minseok’s bed. 

“I can keep you company” Baekhyun offers.

They distract each other, talking about silly things and joking around. Eventually, Chanyeol moves over to Baekhyun's bed.

Baekhyun is lying on his side, yawning.

"I should let you sleep," says Chanyeol.

"Stay here" Baekhyun grabs his arm before he has a chance to move.

"But-"

"I don't wanna be alone" he confesses. "After today."

"Okay."

Chanyeol lies down. Baekhyun lets his eyelids drop shut, feeling comforted by the warmth of Chanyeol's body beside him, even if not too close.

"I don't wanna be alone either."

When Baekhyun wakes up, he's huddled to Chanyeol's chest, who has an arm around him and lips touching the top of his head. He doesn't want to move, even if he has to, even as alarms go off in his head that he probably shouldn't let his old fling hold him like that. It's not unusual for the members to sometimes share a bed, but it's clearly different for Baekhyun and Chanyeol now.

The familiarity of his embrace is probably the worst and best part. Baekhyun can remember so vividly now what it was like when they were together, and how good it felt. If he closes his eyes and ignores the need to get up, it's almost like time traveling.

Suddenly, Chanyeol stirs beside him. He nuzzles at Baekhyun's hair and squeezes him tighter, before coming into full consciousness. Baekhyun pretends he's asleep. Chanyeol sits up.

"Wake him," says Jongdae from the door, out of nowhere. "We're gonna be late."

"'Kay" Chanyeol's voice is hoarse with sleep.

He touches Baekhyun's shoulder gently. 

"Bab- Baekhyun, wake up" he mumbles.

Baekhyun blinks his eyes open.

"We gotta go," says Chanyeol.

"Okay," Baekhyun nods and gets up, yawning, going to the bathroom to wash his face and teeth.

He doesn't allow himself to think about that later. He can't. He shelves whatever nostalgia that was away and moves on with his life as nothing happened.

Months of busy work pass. Summer comes and goes, and if before Baekhyun expected things to get better with Taeyeon, they actually don't. They fizzle out after more than a year of hate and incompatible schedules. He's not surprised when she brings up the fact that things aren't working out for her anymore, because they aren't for him either. 

So it's done. And he wants to be sad for the sake of it, but he's already suffered so much, he's got nothing left. He breaks out the news to his members and Junmyeon orders them pizzas. They have a fun group night out of it at least.

Later, Chanyeol pulls him aside.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. Really" he says. "But thanks for checking on me."

Chanyeol's eyes on him make Baekhyun a bit nervous. It's like they can see through him. And he would never want Chanyeol to know what goes on inside his head. So he puts on a smile and leads him back to the pizza party.

Baekhyun just wants to forget the bad things that happened in the past two years. Maybe he just isn't cut out for love. He enjoys having his friend back and that is enough for him.

At the end of the year, touring restarts, and when they assign rooms, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are paired for the rest of the dates. Baekhyun is fine with that. That way, they can hang out and have fun together.

In January, on their way to the Philippines, Baekhyun is trying and failing to take a nap. His body is tired but his mind can’t seem to shut down. He’s tossing, trying to get comfortable on the plane seat until Sehun turns on the light and looks at him.

“You’re being loud” he whispers.

“I’m sorry” Baekhyun looks at him with puppy eyes.

“What’s bugging you, hyung?” Sehun asks.

“Nothing” he shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Sehun studies his face.

“You and Chanyeol are doing okay?” 

“What?” he’s taken aback by the question. “Yes, we are. Why do you ask?”

“Just checking” Sehun has a slight smile on his face.

“What? Stop.”

“I’m not doing anything” chuckles Sehun.

“You’re having… thoughts. I can tell.”

“I just don’t get what happened,” Sehun says. “I asked him and he never told me.”

“I don’t have the answers either” Baekhyun sighs, unconsciously searching for Chanyeol’s blond hair that is sitting a couple of rows ahead of them. 

Sehun takes his hand and squeezes it once, smiling at him. 

“Anyway, that’s in the past” Baekhyun says with finality.

“You think so?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Baekhyun turns to Sehun, puzzled. “Why are you stirring things up? I was trying to sleep.”

They laugh, trying to keep the noise down. 

“The last thing I need right now is to be thinking about him again.”

“Why? I’ve never seen you as happy as that time” points out Sehun.

That statement scares Baekhyun.

“Really?”

Sehun nods. Baekhyun shuts up after that, letting his mind wander away into memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are familiar with chanbaek you might know what philippines means! XD
> 
> by the way, in case you are curious, the movies that keep playing in the background are before sunrise and before sunset ♥
> 
> I had a busy week at work so that's why I stayed away from ao3 in all my fics and I plan on doing so until next week for the others, but since I want to post this all before the end of the year, here it is. next chapter might come soon too!
> 
> be safe ♥


	4. The hug

Baekhyun puts Sehun's words aside as they get ready for the two concerts in a row they are holding in the Philippines. There is no time to think about his old thing with Chanyeol, he convinces himself. Baekhyun trusts everything is fine and the maknae was just digging around and being curious.

Until, of course, he realizes Sehun was not.

Right in the middle of their Peter Pan performance, Sehun is fooling around as part of it. He tries to lift Minseok's shirt, only to then grab Baekhyun by the arm and bring him standing in front of Chanyeol, who tries to get away. Baekhyun just stays still with his head down, trying to play along on the stage, as the screams deafen his ears. Sehun pulls on Chanyeol until he buckles and stops across from Baekhyun. 

Sehun then proceeds to push them together, and Chanyeol’s hand wraps around Baekhyun’s back, while Baekhyun holds him by the shoulders, hiding his face on his chest. It doesn’t last long, as Sehun runs and Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun away, goes after the maknae to kick him in the butt. Baekhyun laughs his awkwardness and rushing heart away, following them to the middle of the stage to finish the song with the rest of the group. The show must go on.

Everything goes smoothly until he’s out of the spotlight. Baekhyun starts fighting his nerves as they change and ride back to the hotel. He wants to question Sehun about what happened, but he can’t get him alone, while everyone talks and laughs, high on the concert adrenaline. Chanyeol seems perfectly fine. Apparently, it’s only Baekhyun again that cares too deeply about things. 

They say goodnight to the other members as they get to their room. 

“You can use the shower first” offers Baekhyun, going straight to the minibar.

“Thanks,” says Chanyeol, already taking off his shirt as he gets in.

Baekhyun kneels as he hears the water running. He evaluates his choices and takes a diet soda. He’s just craving something sweet. Baekhyun sits near the window and drinks it slowly, waiting for his turn to clean up.

He’s lost in thought and calmer when Chanyeol waddles out of the bathroom, only a towel around his hips. Baekhyun’s cheeks get flushed and he looks away immediately, feeling stupid at his reaction. Because he’s seen Chanyeol shirtless thousands of times, but now suddenly he’s so affected by it. Why? Because they shared half a hug? Because Sehun said whatever he said on the plane? Nothing makes sense anymore.

Baekhyun gets in the bathroom, tearing off his clothes, and jumping in the shower, begging for the water to work its magic and fix his brain. He’s tired of being dazed and confused at how things keep unfolding around him like he has no control over anything. He wants to believe he’s not as helpless regarding Chanyeol, after all these years, but apparently, the right set of buttons can get him quite befuddled.

After scrubbing himself clean, and starting to feel the tiredness set in his bones, Baekhyun wraps himself in the fluffy hotel robes. He walks out determined to fall on his bed and give in to sleep. Chanyeol is in his pajamas, just shorts, and a t-shirt, sitting against his headboard, looking at his phone. Baekhyun starts going through his messy bag.

“So that was funny” Chanyeol says suddenly, filling the silence. “Sehun making us hug tonight.”

Baekhyun feels the back of his neck run cold. He keeps moving but doesn’t pay attention to what he’s doing.

“Yeah. It was funny” he lies. “It seems like you really didn’t want to.”

“I didn’t,” Chanyeol says and Baekhyun realizes he moved.

Baekhyun looks over the shoulder to find Chanyeol towering behind him. He gets up, a random piece of clothes in his hand. His eyes are scouring Chanyeol’s serious expression, trying to figure out what’s going on.

“I didn’t wanna hug you, Baekhyun” he continues. “Not on stage.”

Baekhyun gulps. Without taking his eyes off his face, Chanyeol slides his hands around Baekhyun’s waist slowly, pulling him into his embrace. Baekhyun lets him. Slow to react, he finally drops whatever he was holding and rests his head on Chanyeol’s chest, grabbing him by the shoulders, much like their hug from before. But now it’s just the two of them. Now there is privacy and silence and calm. And Baekhyun can sigh, as the feeling of belonging takes over his entire body. He doesn’t want to let go, doesn’t want Chanyeol to let him go, so his hands wrap around Chanyeol harder. He can feel Chanyeol’s breath near his ear, almost in sync with his own. His fingers start kneading into Baekhyun’s back slowly, at a relaxing pace. Chanyeol moves his head, lips brushing the top of Baekhyun’s head.

Suddenly there’s a party inside Baekhyun’s stomach because they’ve been in that hug for a while now, way too long for a normal hug between friends. But it feels so good, he just wants to burrow his face on Chanyeol and never let go. He keeps his eyes closed as he feels Chanyeol’s lips slide to his forehead, and one of his hands cup his cheek, holding Baekhyun up to look at him. His heart is pounding against his chest so hard he's scared it might come out. Baekhyun opens half-lidded eyes to find Chanyeol’s gaze. 

What they want becomes very clear. And they both realize it at the same time, able to read something that doesn’t need words to express.

Their mouths meet halfway and Baekhyun instantly parts his lips, welcoming all of Chanyeol. His stomach is tingling as their tongues stroke together, soft and wet. Baekhyun wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, getting on his tiptoes to be closer, and Chanyeol presses their bodies tighter, pulling a sigh out of Baekhyun. Their kiss turns rough and hard fast, taking Baekhyun’s breath away, an overwhelming desire that’s been building up for the last years finally set free. All his thoughts are gone except for Chanyeol and his touch, right here and now. 

Chanyeol picks him up and takes him to bed, and even then they don’t stop the kiss. Baekhyun’s fingers turned into fists on Chanyeol’s blond locks and he refuses to let go. Chanyeol lies on top of him and feeling his weight pressed against him again is heavenly. All Baekhyun wants is to disappear under it. Chanyeol starts mouthing down his neck, leaving a panting Baekhyun to throw his head back at the pillow while his robes start to get pulled open to reveal some skin. Chanyeol nibbles at his collarbone and shoulder, while one of his hands palms Baekhyun's chest and ribs, grazing his nipple gently. Baekhyun can't hold back a loud moan when he feels teeth sink into his flesh, pain mixing up with pleasure in a confusing but delightful way. Chanyeol keeps going, licking down his chest, sucking on his nipple, hand traveling to Baekhyun's thigh, kneading and caressing all the sensitive parts. At that point, his robes are practically falling off, barely covering his body, but he can't seem to care. He’s drowning in a lust so deep and intoxicating, he doesn’t want to stop.

Chanyeol's hand stops near his groin and he looks up at Baekhyun.

"Can I-"

"Yes," Baekhyun gasps rather quickly.

He bites down his lip, bracing himself. But nothing prepares him for the feeling of Chanyeol's large hand wrapping a fist around his shaft. He moans unabashedly as Chanyeol strokes him slowly, fingers wet with precome, still mouthing and sucking the skin of his chest. 

As if things couldn't get better, Chanyeol positions himself in between his legs and deposits a kiss on the head of his cock. Baekhyun grunts into his palm. Chanyeol swirls his tongue around him, then starts taking it in unhurriedly, driving Baekhyun insane. He can feel his orgasm coming, it's so close he can basically taste it at this point, his breath trembling and hitching. Baekhyun touches Chanyeol's bobbing head.

"I'm gonna cum" he says with a strained voice. 

Chanyeol sucks him harder and, moaning against his hand, Baekhyun cums as he watches Chanyeol blow him off.

After the high, he thinks he passes out for a second. Chanyeol makes his way up depositing sweet pecks on Baekhyun's body like he's worshipping every inch. It pulls a smile out of Baekhyun, one Chanyeol doesn't miss, as he kisses the corner of his mouth.

Baekhyun's hands snake down to Chanyeol's shorts. 

“You want to…”

“I want to,” Baekhyun says urgently.

Chanyeol nods and takes a deep breath as Baekhyun reaches inside his pajamas. 

Chanyeol is big.

For some reason, finding that out by having Chanyeol's dick in his hand is thrilling. His cock is hard and wet, and Baekhyun daftly coats his fingers with precome to start jerking him off. He sucks on Chanyeol's bottom lip, watching him give into the touch, unable to hold back his noises. Baekhyun's heart is a million miles an hour seeing Chanyeol like that, the reality of what they're doing finally sinking in. 

Baekhyun turns them around, wanting to give Chanyeol the same pleasure he gave him, and gets in between his legs. He moans as Baekhyun starts licking and kissing the head, then taking him in slowly until it hits the back of his throat. Baekhyun doesn't try to push further and starts going up and down in sync with his hand. 

"I'm close" Chanyeol mutters, shaking under Baekhyun's lips.

Those words light a fire in his stomach, and he sucks harder, while Chanyeol takes his hair in a fist, moans like music to Baekhyun's ears.

Chanyeol cums with a gasp and Baekhyun is quick to swallow his load. He takes a deep breath after that and lets Chanyeol pull him up into his arms. They hold each other tight, tired and satiated, while Chanyeol evens out his breath. 

He looks at Baekhyun, cupping his face.

"I missed you so much," he says. "You have no idea."

Baekhyun can't believe what he just heard.

"You… did?"

Chanyeol chuckles half-heartedly. He kisses Baekhyun again.

"I did" he whispers and nods.

Tears start welling up in Baekhyun's eyes.

"I missed you too" he finally admits with a strained voice. "So fucking much."

Chanyeol's arms around him tighten to the point it hurts. Baekhyun lets the tears wash away the whirlwind of feelings in his chest, as they just stay close together. 

Eventually, they fall asleep. 

The next day, they are woken up by knocks on the door. It's Junmyeon letting them know they're late for their schedule. Both forgot to set alarms after the surprise get-together and ended up catching up on sleep after days of a tiring tour. Their leader eyes them weird but doesn't press further for answers.

After the concert, when they are finally back in the privacy of their room, the first thing Chanyeol does is hug him close. Then he pulls Baekhyun into the bathroom and they undress to take a shower together. Kissing under the water, it doesn't take long for things to escalate, and soon they jerk each other off. 

Properly clean and happily satisfied, they slip into bed together. Chanyeol kisses his temple, brushing his cheek, gazing at him fondly.

"Channie" Baekhyun whispers, scared to break the spell they're under. But he has to know.

"I know" Chanyeol answers. "You look as confused as you sound."

Baekhyun chuckles nervously.

"You didn't want to be with me…"

"I lied," he says. "I'm sorry, baby."

Baekhyun is tearing up but fights to hold them in. 

"I can't believe I'm lucky enough that you still want me back."

"I-I do" Baekhyun nods.

Chanyeol kisses him and wipes a tear that streamed down Baekhyun's face. 

"I wanna say so many things, I don't know where to start" he admits, eyes also watering. 

Baekhyun intertwines their fingers and kisses Chanyeol's hand.

"We have time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo! 
> 
> the hug on stage is something that actually happened. youtube is filled with videos from many angles, actually haha. I hope I described the moment right.
> 
> they will finally talk! open up chanyeol, come on!
> 
> be safe ♥


	5. The talk

“We have time.”

Chanyeol sighs deeply. 

“Back in 2013, I freaked out,” he says. “I realized how much I liked you. And I started getting paranoid that someone would find out and it’d be a scandal.”

Baekhyun is holding his breath, thinking back to the cold night Chanyeol ended things between them.

“I know that’s not an excuse for how I handled it” he continues. “I could see how much I hurt you. But I thought that was the better alternative.”

Chanyeol looks away.

“And then you started seeing someone else,” he says, voice obviously tinged with pain. “I kept telling myself I got what I deserved. That you were happier that way. But you were getting so much hate, I just wanted to protect you… I convinced myself I should stay away, that it wasn’t my place, that I’d do more damage than good.”

Baekhyun sniffles, holding back the tears.

“And after you guys broke up, I just wanted to be there for you,” explains Chanyeol. “I had given up on the idea of you… of us. I thought you were rightfully done with me.”

“What changed?” asks Baekhyun, confused. “Last night. Was it the hug on stage?”

“Sehun has been hounding me about what happened since then” he answers. “I thought he had stopped, but then suddenly he’s asking questions and messing around on stage. It just made me want to hug you properly once again. And then I saw your eyes.”

Chanyeol glances at him.

“My eyes?” Baekhyun smiles.

He leans in, taking Baekhyun by the back of his neck. 

“I saw you wanted it too” he whispers.

“I did. I do” Baekhyun admits.

Chanyeol slots their mouths together, moving slow and tender.

“I’m so fucking lucky” Chanyeol breathes out.

Baekhyun’s filled with happiness, ache, and desire all at the same time. He blinks a couple of times to get a hold of himself.

“You still didn’t tell me what changed your mind,” he says. “I saw- We both saw what happened with my dating scandal. Can you imagine what it would be like if this got out? We’d be kicked from the group and worse.”

Chanyeol exhales. 

“I know that. I’ve thought about it all this time” he says. “But…”

Chanyeol leans his forehead against his temple.

“Baekhyun, I love you.”

And then tears are burning in the back of Baekhyun’s eyes, threatening to spill out.

“I’ve been in love with you for two years, and that’s not going away…”

Baekhyun burrows his face on Chanyeol’s neck, crying out at the words he was dying to hear back in that lonely winter. A part of him can’t believe it, doubting it all, thinking it has to be a dream. The other part of him is reeling, so happy he could jump up and down on the bed. Chanyeol’s shirt is wet with tears when Baekhyun pulls him to a kiss.

“I love you” he whispers against Chanyeol’s mouth.

Chanyeol tightens his arms around him, deepening the kiss, sinking his tongue past Baekhyun’s lips. He welcomes him, takes it all, the softness, the pain, the heaviness of Chanyeol’s body on top of him. They’re tangled, breathless, tears dry on their cheeks because they are beyond it now. They can figure it out later because now all they need is to be together.

The next day, they get back home. They wait for everyone to fall asleep and meet in the living room, cozying on the couch, holding each other’s hands like they are about to make a promise. 

“We’re friends and members before anything else,” says Baekhyun.

“EXO comes first. Always” Chanyeol agrees.

“If for some reason our relationship gets in the way…”

“We end things” Chanyeol finishes his sentence, pensive.

Baekhyun nods. 

“We tell the others,” he says.

“We’ll be careful,” says Chanyeol, kissing Baekhyun’s knuckles. “We can do this.”

“We can do this” echoes Baekhyun.

Baekhyun leans in and pushes their mouths together. Immediately chills run all over his skin. His body reacts so fast and easy to Chanyeol’s touch, it isn’t like anything he ever felt. Their lips envelop each other, sweet and lovingly, causing storms inside his belly, as he lets Chanyeol pull him over his lap. Baekhyun straddles him and fists Chanyeol’s hair, and suddenly their make-out turns heated and urgent. He can feel Chanyeol’s erection resting in between them and Baekhyun rolls his hips against it, humming into the kiss, teasing him. Chanyeol slides his hands under Baekhyun’s shirt, fingers digging into the flesh painfully. Baekhyun is about to slide his hand into Chanyeol’s pants when he hears something behind him.

“Ahm. Is this a thing again?”

Baekhyun turns around to find Jongin standing there, hair messed up from sleep, glasses on the tip of his nose. Baekhyun bursts into laughter, getting off Chanyeol’s lap, pulling his legs against his chest to hide his erection. Chanyeol laughs along, both of them red in the face, as Jongin just shakes his head and gets some water in the kitchen. 

In the small amount of time before they leave for the North American part of their tour, Baekhyun and Chanyeol get caught making out a couple more times. Baekhyun is sorry but at the same time, he can’t keep his hands off Chanyeol. That’s probably what two years of pining does to a couple. 

“We’re dating” announces Chanyeol unceremoniously, one night as they have dinner.

“And we’re obviously not telling anyone except you guys,” says Baekhyun.

Sehun is blatantly smiling, while Junmyeon looks worried and the rest seems indifferent.

“We should talk about it,” states Junmyeon. “All of us.”

“Alright” Baekhyun agrees to appease him.

After they finish dinner and clean up, their leader calls a meeting in the living room. Everyone looks bored. Chanyeol is standing behind Baekhyun, arms wrapped around him.

“So” Junmyeon starts.

“So…?” says Chanyeol.

“Let’s talk about it” Junmyeon continues. “What does everyone think about this?”

Minseok shrugs. Kyungsoo is impassive, with Jongin by his side going through his phone. Jongdae is looking at everyone and Sehun is just blissful. 

“Jongin, drop your phone” Junmyeon scolds him.

“We don’t care that they’re fucking” says Jongin, but obeys him anyway. “I mean, who isn’t?”

Kyungsoo laughs.

“What do you mean who isn’t?” Junmyeon retorts. “Are you all secretly fucking behind my back?”

“I mean, idols fuck each other, hyung” Jongin explains. “Not always in the same group, but still…”

“Okay, I can agree with that,” he says. “But this is inside our group.”

“They aren’t hurting anyone, hyung” Sehun remarks. “It never affected EXO, so far.”

“Thank you for that” Baekhyun says.

“He’s right, hyung,” says Chanyeol. “And we’ll always put EXO first. You don’t need to worry. We talked this through.”

“They are grown-ups, they know what they are doing,” says Minseok. “No one here is gonna rat on them.”

“Yeah. No one will find out” agrees Jongdae. “We’re idols, but we’re still allowed a personal life.”

Baekhyun feels his chest go warm hearing the support from their members. 

“I just don’t wanna bunk with Baekhyun anymore,” Minseok says, making everyone laugh.

“Baekhyun and I can bunk together, it’s fine” Chanyeol declares.

Baekhyun turns around to look at him, smiling. He gives him a small peck. Then, Sehun jumps beside and wraps his arms around them. Suddenly everyone is hollering and joining in on a big group hug. 

Later, they help Minseok take his things out of his old room. Tomorrow they leave for the United States. Chanyeol locks the door and crawls on top of Baekhyun.

“Hi” Baekhyun smiles, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Hi.”

Chanyeol kisses him. Baekhyun sighs as he feels his boyfriend’s weight pressing him against the bed. Soon the kiss becomes urgent and rough. Chanyeol starts mouthing down his neck.

“No marks” Baekhyun exhales. “Airport tomorrow.”

“No marks,” Chanyeol echoes, going back to his lips, pulling Baekhyun’s shirt up. “Can I?”

Baekhyun nods, losing himself as he feels Chanyeol’s hand wrap around his erection. He moans into their kiss, reaching for Chanyeol’s cock, desperate to get him off too. They move their hands together, getting familiar with each other’s bodies and tastes. The speed picks up and so do their moans, oblivious to the fact that the others might hear them. They are lost in their own little world and it’s impossible to tear them out. Chanyeol is the first to orgasm, warm cum painting Baekhyun’s stomach. His fist is shaking as he finishes Baekhyun out, who throws his head back and spills a drawn-out moan.

They are panting, tangled up and still half-dressed, as Chanyeol drops to the side to recollect himself. He nuzzles Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun just keeps his eyes closed, unable to move after all that. A minute later, Chanyeol gets up to clean Baekhyun’s belly. He proceeds to tuck him in and give a small kiss on his hip bone before pulling Baekhyun’s shirt down and lying down beside him again. 

Baekhyun loves how they’ve become intimate so far since they got back together. It was quite quick perhaps, but it was long due for him. And he craves Chanyeol so much more, in many ways. If before the idea of sex scared Baekhyun, now it’s the opposite. He wants it and wants it with Chanyeol, badly.

And he’s secretly making plans for it to happen soon. He manages to sneak in lube and condoms in his suitcase. He also read up on everything he imagines he needs to know for it to happen properly - prepping, cleaning, even the power dynamics of sex. Baekhyun also wants to try topping, but for some reason, the idea of getting fucked by Chanyeol is particularly arousing. He imagines that’s probably the effect of being head over heels for him. 

The group flies to Dallas without Jongin and settles in their hotel before the concert that takes place the next day.

“Do you wanna shower first?” asks Baekhyun suggestively, after they get to their room.

“Do you wanna shower with me?” Chanyeol smiles, hugging him from behind.

Baekhyun laughs. 

“I’ll tidy our things for us,” he says. “Go on.”

Chanyeol gives him a kiss before getting in the bathroom.

As soon as he hears the water, Baekhyun opens his suitcase and digs for the things he needs. He puts the lube and condoms in the drawers by the bed they are gonna use. He’s a mix of nervous and excited as he waits for Chanyeol to come out of the shower.

“You should get comfortable,” Baekhyun says to him.

“Hm, sure” Chanyeol answers, toweling his pink hair.

He jumps in the shower and takes a couple of deep breaths. Then he starts scrubbing himself clean, trying to relax his muscles as best as he can. When he’s thoroughly ready, Baekhyun pats himself dry, then spreads some almond moisturizer on his skin. He puts on the hotel robes and heads out, trying to conceal his trembling hands, to find Chanyeol on the bed, also wearing his robes. He’s going through his phone mindlessly until he notices that Baekhyun is just standing there looking at him. 

Chanyeol frowns a bit, confused dark eyes so adorable. He sits up and puts his phone away.

“What’s up?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they finally talked :) let's enjoy the good part while it lasts hahahahhaha *sad laugh*
> 
> be safe ♥


	6. The bed

“What’s up?”

Baekhyun bites his bottom lip nervously. He crawls over Chanyeol, straddling him. Chanyeol can’t seem to hold back a smile as he grips Baekhyun by the waist. They don’t need words right now. Baekhyun cups his face and gazes at Chanyeol for a while, admiring his beautiful features, before leaning in and joining their lips softly. It’s a slow chaste caress and Baekhyun takes the time to breathe Chanyeol’s scent in, his usual oaky perfume mixed with the hotel toiletries. Baekhyun starts moving his mouth, tracing Chanyeol’s lips with his tongue, wanting to taste further. Chanyeol invites him in, licking and nibbling.

Baekhyun’s hands travel to Chanyeol's hair, curling into fists. Their kiss deepens, causing all those butterflies to form a whirlwind inside Baekhyun’s stomach. He’s panting when Chanyeol pulls down on his robes, exposing fair unblemished skin, and starts sucking and biting Baekhyun’s shoulder and chest. He’s rutting his hips on top of Chanyeol’s lap unconsciously, losing himself in the pleasure, letting out little moans. 

Chanyeol has his nipple in his mouth when Baekhyun decides to focus.

“Wait,” he asks and Chanyeol immediately pulls back, lust-filled eyes now worried. 

Baekhyun leans towards the bedside table and takes the lube and condom, bringing them to Chanyeol’s chest. He’s clearly shocked.

“Baekhyun, you…” he doesn’t finish his sentence, studying the items in front of him. 

Fear hits him like a brick. Maybe it is too soon, too sudden.

“We don’t have to,” Baekhyun explains. “But I want to.”

Chanyeol presses his mouth hard against Baekhyun's. 

“I want you so bad” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

Baekhyun can’t help a silly smile. 

“How do you wanna do this?” asks Chanyeol

Bringing his lips to Chanyeol’s ear, Baekhyun feels his cheeks warm up.

“I want you inside me.”

Chanyeol’s hands tighten on Baekhyun’s waist, only to turn them around, lying him down comfortably on the bed. Chanyeol takes the lube that rolled away.

“I-I can prep myself,” says Baekhyun.

“Let me do it,” asks Chanyeol, the timber of his voice even lower than usual.

“Okay,” Baekhyun nods. 

First, Chanyeol helps Baekhyun out of his robes entirely. He’s lying completely naked, a semi resting over his belly, and hands shaking from the nerves that spiked up again now that he knows they are doing this for sure. Chanyeol gets in between his legs, gives him a kiss and strokes his hair gently, then looks into his eyes.

“We can stop anytime you want,” he says.

“I know” Baekhyun smiles faintly.

“Let me know if it hurts.”

Baekhyun nods and takes a deep breath. He sees Chanyeol coat his fingers with plenty of lube, and then he spreads his legs wider. Chanyeol is watching him closely as he touches Baekhyun's ass, whose body reacts like a current of electricity just passed through. Baekhyun closes his eyes, trying to relax. He likes the feeling of Chanyeol massaging his rim, even if it's something new and different from before. He just needs to let the moment take him away. Chanyeol starts kissing his jaw and neck slowly, and soon Baekhyun's cock starts filling up again. 

Chanyeol slides one finger in and just lets it sit there. Baekhyun gasps surprised at how good it feels. He pulls Chanyeol for a kiss, holding him there, and Chanyeol is happy to give him what he needs. Baekhyun buckles his hips, signaling he wants him to keep the touch going. So Chanyeol starts sliding his finger in and out gently, looking for Baekhyun's prostate. Having big hands, it's not hard for him to reach it. Baekhyun moans when he feels the fingertip grazing at the spot. Chanyeol keeps rubbing it and Baekhyun is so entranced with the new pleasure he barely feels another finger sliding in. He palms his cock a bit, desperate to relieve some of the pressure. Then he does the same for Chanyeol, whose erection is leaking precome and untouched inside his robes. Chanyeol grunts and keeps stretching him slow and steady. 

He's fucking him with three fingers soon, while Baekhyun teases the head of his cock, both gasping into each other's mouths. Baekhyun is feeling like he could cum from this so he takes Chanyeol's wrist.

"I think I'm ready," he says.

"Yeah?" Chanyeol makes sure, attentive.

Baekhyun nods. 

"If we keep this up I'm gonna cum on your fingers."

Chanyeol smiles, clearly enjoying that idea. He kisses Baekhyun and takes his fingers out. Then he sits back on his heels and takes off his robes. Seeing him like that, naked, hard, and about to fuck him, does crazy things to Baekhyun's desire. Chanyeol rolls on a condom and coats it with plenty of lube before getting on top of Baekhyun. He holds his cock by the base and lines up.

"I'll stop if you need me to," he says.

Baekhyun nods, lip caught in between his teeth. He's done waiting. He wants Chanyeol so bad. Baekhyun feels the blunt head touching his rim. Chanyeol strokes his hair and kisses his temple before pushing in. Baekhyun gasps at the burn, shutting his eyes. He takes a deep breath, willing his muscles to relax, as Chanyeol keeps going. Baekhyun grips him by the back, nails sinking into skin, but Chanyeol doesn't complain. 

He lets out a tiny mewl feeling Chanyeol's girth filling him up. That makes Chanyeol pause.

"Don't stop" he says. "It's good."

It is good even with the faint pain. Chanyeol is big but he did a good job at prepping him and Baekhyun is horny enough. Turns out maybe he likes a little pain with his pleasure.

Chanyeol bottoms out and sighs, holding Baekhyun tight in his arms, hiding his face against his neck. They stay there for a minute, letting Baekhyun's body get used to him. Baekhyun wraps his legs around Chanyeol, heels sinking into his lower back. With two hearts beating strong against each other, Chanyeol shifts to gaze at Baekhyun with dark half-lidded eyes, asking if he can move. Baekhyun nods and seals their lips together. Slowly, Chanyeol starts moving his hips. The skin to skin feeling was enough to drive Baekhyun insane, but he soon realizes this tops everything they’ve ever done. It feels like closeness, intimacy, love, and lust, all wrapped up together. 

“You feel so good” mutters Chanyeol against his ear, making Baekhyun moan.

Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s cock throbbing inside him, stroking all the right places, as Chanyeol steadily picks up the pace. Their bodies start burning, heat is curling up in Baekhyun’s belly like a storm, noises are filling up the hotel room. Chanyeol’s hand wraps around Baekhyun’s hair, pulling his head back, making him bare his neck for him. It makes Baekhyun mewl Chanyeol’s name, happy to succumb under the familiar kisses and bites from his lover. He’s brought enough heavy cover-up makeup with him to allow them both to indulge in it. 

Baekhyun is shifting his hips into the thrusts, allowing Chanyeol to hit his spot every time, over and over again, until his pleasure is coming to a boil. 

“Oh, God” whimpers Baekhyun desperately. “Chanyeol, I-”

He reaches his peak and cries a loud drawn-out moan, as his muscles clench around Chanyeol, who fucks him through it all hard and messy, biting down his shoulder when he cums. 

They are both in shambles after, sweaty, hair a mess. Baekhyun is covered in cum and spit, but he doesn’t care. He feels like he’s floating in the clouds with Chanyeol and he doesn’t want to come down. He can’t even open his eyes. Chanyeol is the first to move, depositing sweet kisses on the skin he ravaged.

“Baekhyun” he whispers.

Baekhyun smiles and blinks his eyes open.

“Hi,” Chanyeol says, brushing Baekhyun’s cheek.

They kiss softly for a while.

“I’ll clean you up,” Chanyeol says. “Stay right here.”

“Okay.”

When Chanyeol moves to the bathroom, Baekhyun’s body immediately misses the heat and weight of his lover. He comes back quickly with a wet towel and sits beside Baekhyun, who watches him fondly as he cleans him up with care. Chanyeol puts the towel aside when he’s done and climbs back in bed with Baekhyun, pulling the sheets over them. Baekhyun huddles into his arms and Chanyeol kisses the top of his head. 

“I love you, baby.”

Baekhyun smiles, eyelids heavy with sleep.

“I love you too.”

  
  
  


A familiar tune is humming near his ear. Baekhyun is on his side, feeling fingertips tracing his curves. He’s waking up slowly to the sound of Chanyeol murmuring a song he’s heard before, but can’t quite place yet. Baekhyun stirs and Chanyeol stops. Baekhyun looks over his shoulder.

“Are you singing All of Me?” he asks, voice hoarse.

Chanyeol chuckles and his cheeks pink up.

“I guess I was. Didn’t realize.”

Baekhyun turns around, sheets pooling around his hips. It’s his time to play around with his hands on Chanyeol’s chest and abs.

“I like when you sing it,” he says.

“Good” Chanyeol whispers. “I do it thinking of you.”

“You are just saying it.”

“I mean it.”

Baekhyun realizes he is serious and feels a warmth flooding his chest. He scoots closer into Chanyeol’s arms, kissing his cheek. 

“Did you like it?” Chanyeol asks.

“I think you know the answer to that question” smiles Baekhyun.

“Maybe” chuckles Chanyeol. “I wanna make sure I didn’t fuck it up.”

“You didn’t. Did I?”

Chanyeol shakes his head.

“You haven’t done it before, right?” he asks, intertwining their fingers. 

“No. Ever.”

“Me neither.”

Chanyeol’s thumb is stroking his skin.

“I’m glad it was with you. And I liked it. I liked it a lot” confesses Baekhyun, feeling his cheeks warm up a bit.

“How are you so adorable and sexy at the same time?” asks Chanyeol, pulling him for a kiss.

Baekhyun just laughs as Chanyeol keeps kissing him all over the face and then neck, getting on top of him. 

“I’m sorry for this,” says Chanyeol, touching the bite mark on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“It’s fine. I brought foundation for that” explains Baekhyun. “I think I know you enough now to foresee this.”

Chanyeol hides his face in the curve of his neck.

“Oh, God. I don’t why. But I like marking you.”

Baekhyun smiles, running his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair.

“And kissing you. And biting you. And licking you…” Chanyeol says as he does each one of those things to mark his words.

He finishes by licking the soft skin of Baekhyun’s neck, who sighs. They kiss with parted lips, tasting each other again unhurriedly.

“You know what else I like?” Chanyeol asks.

“What?” Baekhyun is already breathless, fire lighting up in his stomach.

“Sucking you off.”

Baekhyun’s cock twitches, reacting to the words.

“You ready for a second round?” Chanyeol looks at him.

He takes Chanyeol’s hand in between them and puts it over his erection.

“Yes.”

Chanyeol palms his cock, eliciting a gasp from Baekhyun. Then he starts mouthing down Baekhyun’s body, taking his time, sucking and licking his skin, playing with his sensitive nipples. Baekhyun just closes his eyes, letting himself be swayed by the pleasure, losing his senses to that touch completely. Chanyeol sucks him off, slow and then hungrily, and Baekhyun cums in his mouth. 

When they are done, they take a shower, and Baekhyun gets on his knees for him.

Tired, satisfied, and happy, they fall on the bed, clinging to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beds, bites and sex for our darlings XD
> 
> let's enjoooooy
> 
> ♥


	7. The honeymoon

The rest of the tour turns into their little honeymoon. Even holding two and a half-hour concerts, dealing with constant flights and jet lag, the moment Baekhyun and Chanyeol get to their hotel room is their own to enjoy each other as much as they want. Turns out a big bed and privacy do wonders for a couple's intimacy, and Baekhyun is not complaining. On the contrary, he’s loving it. When they are back at the dorm, sharing a twin bed and thin walls with six other people, he misses the comfort of the hotel.

“It won’t be a problem for too long,” says Chanyeol.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m getting an apartment soon” he smiles. “And you can come whenever you want.”

“Are you serious?” Baekhyun widens his eyes.

“Dead serious.”

Baekhyun laughs and jumps on him, wrapping his legs around his waist. Chanyeol spins him around and then deposits him on the kitchen counter, giving him a long wet kiss.

“Guys, come on, that’s where we make food,” says Jumyeon from the living room.

“Sorry,” says Chanyeol.

Baekhyun can’t wipe the grin off his face. He’s excited for them, obviously, but he’s also excited for Chanyeol reaching this milestone in his life.

“I’m so happy for you,” he says, jumping off the counter. 

Chanyeol cups his face.

“And I’m happy you’ll be visiting me. Often, I hope.”

They laugh.

“What’s this I hear? You’re getting a bachelor pad?” Jongin asks, popping up in the kitchen with Kyungsoo.

“Yep,” Chanyeol smiles. “Why don’t you get one for yourself? You can take Krystal there.”

“We barely started dating and that’s what you’re thinking?” Jongin chuckles. “We’re fine for now, thanks.”

“Well maybe if you had one you could’ve spent more time with Taemin” Baekhyun shrugs.

Jongin’s face transforms into an impassive mask.

“Fuck off.”

He walks out.

Kyungsoo pinches Baekhyun’s arm, who yelps at the pain.

“Hey! What did I do?” massaging his skin.

“Don’t be an ass about it” says Kyungsoo.

“He was just stating a fact,” says Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo pinches Chanyeol too.

“A-ah, stop!”

“Just don’t mention Taemin like that to Jongin, okay?” he explains.

“S-sure” Baekhyun agrees.

Kyungsoo leaves. Chanyeol hugs Baekhyun, caressing his arm where he was pinched.

“I didn’t know it was that serious” Baekhyun whispers. “I thought they just had fun like… friends with benefits or something?”

“Yeah, I don’t know either,” says Chanyeol. “And now he’s with Krystal, didn’t think he’d care about it anyway.”

“Well, it’s not our problem” Baekhyun sighs. “We should go pack our bags.”

“Let’s do that.”

The next day, EXO leaves for their last concert abroad of this tour, in Malaysia. It’s a long and tiring flight, so Baekhyun and Chanyeol take a shower and hop into bed for a nap after they get to the hotel. 

  
  


“Hyunnie.”

He feels Chanyeol move next to him, hand slipping under his shirt. Baekhyun purrs, waking up slowly. He reaches for his boyfriend and starts kneading his skin. Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun and he can taste whisky in his mouth.

“You been drinking?” he chuckles, confused.

“Just a couple inches” Chanyeol mutters, smiling against Baekhyun’s lips.

They keep kissing languidly, taking it further slowly.

“Baekhyun” Chanyeol breathes out. 

“What is it, love?” Baekhyun looks at him with lidded eyes.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Baekhyun’s heart skips a beat.

“Oh.”

Chanyeol chuckles. 

“You wanna do that?” he asks, taking Baekhyun’s hand and kissing his knuckles.

“Fuck yeah, I wanna do that.”

They laugh and Baekhyun slots their mouths together, tasting Chanyeol’s tongue. Now the whisky makes sense. Maybe Chanyeol woke up before him and drank a bit to shake off the nerves and gather the courage to ask Baekhyun to top. They’d talked before and he knew Chanyeol wasn’t as open to the idea of bottoming as Baekhyun. He was fine with that and wasn’t expecting him to change his mind so soon. One thing he knew from the short amount of time they’ve been sleeping together was that Chanyeol tended towards being very dominant in bed. So this was all a surprise. A pleasant one.

Chanyeol tears his shirt away.

"Sit against the headboard," he asks.

Baekhyun obeys.

"Strip."

Again, he follows the command, getting naked while Chanyeol does the same. He straddles Baekhyun's lap. His fingers dig into Chanyeol's hips as he kisses him with urgency. He lets Chanyeol take charge and lead him wherever he wants. His cock is already hard and wet when Chanyeol reaches for it to roll a condom on.

"I have to stretch you first," says Baekhyun, confused.

"Already did that" Chanyeol smirks, arching one eyebrow at him.

For some reason that turns Baekhyun on a lot. He likes the Chanyeol that takes control and exercises his power in bed, even now. So Baekhyun sits back and enjoys while Chanyeol coats him with lots of lube and lines up. He just watches, mesmerized, as Chanyeol starts to sink onto him. Baekhyun gasps at the clench around his cock, so warm and tight and good. He's not as big as Chanyeol, so he imagines it hurts less. When he bottoms out, Chanyeol exhales loudly, hunching forward. Baekhyun kisses his shoulder, rubbing circles on his back, coaxing him to relax.

"You good?" he checks.

Chanyeol nods. He starts moving his hips slowly, rotating, adjusting, looking for that special spot. Baekhyun keeps watching him, intoxicated with arousal, trying not to get carried away too quickly, so they both can enjoy it. 

After a while, Chanyeol seems to find a good rhythm that's pulling constant noises out of him, little gasps and moans. He's got his eyes shut, messy bangs covering his face that's contorted in an expression of pleasure, a new one Baekhyun has never seen. Chanyeol is usually the one attentively watching and peppering Baekhyun with nibbles and kisses, but now he seems to be giving himself over to it differently, and seeing that is driving Baekhyun crazy. He slides his hands to Chanyeol's ass, fingers digging into flesh hard enough to make Chanyeol cry out. And then he's moving faster, and Baekhyun is panting, feeling his peak coming.

He motions towards Chanyeol's cock to jerk him off, scared that he might cum before him, but Chanyeol snatches his hand. He leans his forehead against Baekhyun's, hips now moving in a maddening pace, whole body starting to tremble. Baekhyun can't control his loud moans, spilling his lover's name like honey. 

Feeling Chanyeol clench down on him and shake all over tips Baekhyun over the edge, and he rolls his eyes back, welcoming the warmth of Chanyeol's cum painting his stomach as they ride their orgasms together. 

Their hands are clasped so tight it's starting to hurt, he realizes, letting go of it to hold Chanyeol's back instead. 

"I fucking love you," he says like he's unloading something heavy, like he doesn't say this every so often now.

Chanyeol laughs and looks at him with glazed eyes.

"Love you more."

He kisses Baekhyun and moves to get off of him. Baekhyun helps him lie comfortably in bed.

"Let me bring you a towel," says Baekhyun.

He quickly discards the condom and washes the cum off his stomach in the bathroom, then goes back to clean Chanyeol, who just stays still with his eyes closed. 

Baekhyun sneaks into bed with him and pulls the sheets to his waist, huddling close to Chanyeol.

"How was it?" he asks, curious. 

"Amazing" Chanyeol looks at him and smiles. "You?"

"Amazing" repeats Baekhyun.

"But I think I still prefer the other way around" ponders Chanyeol. "I like it when you become pliant under my touch."

Baekhyun grins. 

"I know what you mean," he says. "It's more than just the pleasure, it's also the mental space we get into with each role we assume."

"Yeah. I'm gonna cum either way, but I prefer to make you cum when I'm fucking you."

That makes Baekhyun laugh. Chanyeol starts kissing his shoulder, going up to his neck.

"You're insatiable" Baekhyun sighs.

"So are you," Chanyeol says in his ear, making Baekhyun shiver. "I bet you wanna ride me now."

Baekhyun bites down his lip, unable to deny. Because it would be a lie and he's a terrible liar.

"I do" he finally admits, fire pooling in his belly. 

They kiss languidly.

"Can we even manage that so soon?" laughs Baekhyun. 

"I'll get you ready slowly" whispers Chanyeol, covering his neck with kisses.

They have a fun night.

It's the first of many. 

The year that passes is smooth sailing for them in their personal lives. With Chanyeol's apartment, they get the privacy they need, while also remaining at the dorms when needed. Besides that, they do a lot of couple things together under the disguise of friendship. It is easier to hide their relationship from the public eye because people simply assume they are just buddies. The scooter rides, the selfies on Instagram, the gaming, the cute snowboarding videos, and much more. An entire shrine of their relationship that seems like nothing but two friends hanging out. 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol get to know each other in and out, for better or worse. The first year goes by without hitches. Until they have their first fight, over a disagreement in practice that escalates into a couple's argument and then leads to Baekhyun almost leaving Chanyeol's apartment to get back to the dorm in the middle of the night. It's scary and Baekhyun doesn't want to feel that ever again. But things keep popping up. It's little things that build up into big things. 

They get pretty good at make up sex. And suddenly that's what's always happening like they're stuck in a vicious cycle of fighting and making up in bed.

The worst part for Baekhyun, though, is feeling suffocated by it. And the guilt that comes with it, because he doesn't want to feel like that. He wants to love Chanyeol easily like he did in the beginning. He doesn't know when things got hard, or why. Maybe it is the natural growth of relationships, something they need to work through and get past. But he doesn't know where to start. He feels like his previous experience doesn't help him at all. It's making him stressed and he doesn't want to make things worse.

Except, things get worse on their own. Because truly there is so much that's out of his control.

"I barely looked at her!" 

"That's not my point. I'm saying something that upsets me, why can't you listen?"

They are in their room at the dorm. EXO is in the middle of promoting Ko Ko Bop and yesterday they shared a stage with Baekhyun's ex on MCountdown. Apparently, the minimal interaction was enough to spark rumors that they are back together or that they never broke up. It is something rather recurrent that they deal with and Chanyeol never takes it well when it happens.

"I bowed like I did for everyone else. That was it. It's not my fault she stood behind me."

"Why won't you just acknowledge me when I say what bothers me?"

"Of course I do."

"You dated her while I liked you in case you forgot…"

Baekhyun sighs with discontent.

"You rejected me! I can’t go back in time and not date her, especially when you chose to not be with me.” 

“Did you ever stop to think what it felt like to see you with someone else for a whole year? What it did to me?”

Silence. Chanyeol is staring at him from across the room. Baekhyun can't imagine what it felt like. He never wants to. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't… stop to think about it” he says. “Can we just let it go?"

"How does letting it go fix anything?"

"I don't know, Chanyeol, I don’t know what you want from me."

A knock on the door.

"Come in," says Chanyeol.

It's Junmyeon. He looks apologetic.

"Guys, it's late, we have the fansign tomorrow. And… we can hear you."

"Sorry. We're going to bed" Chanyeol says quickly.

"Thanks" the leader leaves and closes the door. “Sleep well.”

Baekhyun runs a hand over his face. Chanyeol gets up and starts going through his stuff.

"What are you doing?"

"Maybe I should just stay at my apartment tonight."

"No, stop" Baekhyun gets up and takes his arm. "Please."

He burrows his face on Chanyeol's back, feeling tears burn in his eyes. He doesn't know how to fix any of it, but he can't bear to watch him leave or be away from him right now when they are fighting. 

They stay like that until Chanyeol turns and wraps his arms around him. 

Baekhyun just allows himself to be relieved for the moment.

The next day he puts on a brave face for the fans, but what happened doesn’t leave his mind. So at the fansign, he decides to tell everyone not to be misled by what they read on the internet. And Chanyeol joins in, saying to believe in Baekhyun’s words. He hopes that it’s the olive branch the boyfriend needs for them to make peace about it. 

But it’s like a bandaid on a bullet wound. Just a temporary solution to a bigger and persistent problem that Baekhyun has no answers to. He can’t change the past. And he feels guilty and angry at the same time because he thinks it’s unfair for Chanyeol to blame him for dating Taeyeon. And it’s not even that Chanyeol blames him, because that would be unfair, but he can’t get over the hurt of having it be constantly brought up again by the fans, especially knowing they’ll never be able to be a couple in public. 

In September, Baekhyun talks about it again, now on his Instagram, asking Eris not to believe in lies on the internet. 

It’s one late night that Baekhyun is lying in the living room with Jongin and Kyungsoo, the last one asleep. The tv is on but no one is really watching anything. 

“If I ask you something, will you keep it between us?” whispers Baekhyun, not wanting to wake up Kyungsoo.

Jongin looks at him.

“Yes.”

“I know you’ll be honest so that’s why I’m talking to you” he explains. “Do you think me and Chanyeol are… making things hard for everyone else?”

Jongin exhales.

“Just say it.”

“Okay” answers Jongin. “Lately, yes.”

It was obvious. Baekhyun knew, but he needed to hear from someone else.

“Don’t get me wrong, I like you two together” says Jongin. “But things seem to have changed somehow? You guys fight a lot…”

“I know” Baekhyun runs a hand over his face, tired. “Fuck.”

“Are you thinking about…?” Jongin doesn’t finish his sentence.

And Baekhyun doesn’t answer.

“Why did you and Krystal break up?” he asks, instead.

Jongin’s cheeks pink up. Baekhyun becomes more curious.

“Just tell me. I won’t talk about it.”

“I had someone else in my mind.”

Baekhyun tilts his head.

“Taemin?”

Jongin doesn't answer. But he doesn't need to. It's clear.

“Are you guys seeing each other?”

Jongin doesn't answer again.

The conversation is left at that. Baekhyun now has confirmation of something he didn't want to, something he feared would happen, something thought for a while may never come. The moment his relationship with Chanyeol was getting in the way of EXO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taeyeon standing behind baekhyun and the repercussion, the fansign and instagram messages are all real things that happened btw.
> 
> i think both baekhyun and chanyeol have a right to be mad here, unfortunately :( what do you think?
> 
> be safe everyone ♥


	8. The break

It's a couple of days after his talk with Jongin that Baekhyun and Chanyeol meet at his apartment. He's sitting on the bed while Chanyeol is standing, arms crossed over his chest. 

The silence is so thick and heavy, that Baekhyun can't breathe.

"If we are going to do this we can't blur the lines. We either stay together or we break up" says Chanyeol finally.

"But maybe all we need is some time," says Baekhyun clinging to any ounce of hope.

His voice is weak, barely there. He already regrets starting this conversation, even though he knows it was long due. 

"We promised," says Chanyeol, not looking at him. "EXO first." 

Tears start burning in Baekhyun's eyes. He nods.

"You are right," he says.

Baekhyun covers his face with his trembling hands and sobs into them, unable to hold it back anymore. Chanyeol moves to take him in his arms tight. They fall on the bed lying side-by-side.

He wants to say that he loves him, but what are words good for? They haven't gotten him where he wanted so far, back to the safety he has come to love with Chanyeol. Instead, words kept hurting them.

They fall asleep, one last night together.

When they wake up in the morning holding each other, they let go. They get dressed. And they leave for work. They go on with their days, with their weeks, with their months, because that's what they're supposed to do. 

It hurts. It hurts so much.

Seeing Chanyeol almost every day, while not being with him how he wants. 

He is still with him. He is his friend, he is his band member and while that is great, he also wants everything else. He never stops wanting everything else with Chanyeol.

Little by little he gets used to the idea that he can't have him and the pain subsides. He puts it out of his mind. He hopes maybe someday the problems will be left behind and they can get back together. 

A part of him just thinks he should let go and forget about him, put him in the past. 

Then sometimes he dreams of him. That they are together again, that he's holding him in his arms, that they're in bed together skin to skin caught up in a fever. He wakes up in a startle, sweating, disoriented, not knowing what day it is or what year it is. 

Of course, they  _ look _ great. They've been in front of cameras for a long time now. They're both actors. And they're both experienced at it. 

But when the lights are off, when they go their separate ways, when Baekhyun lies his head on his pillow, it sometimes hits him how lonely he is. Even with six other people in the house. His bed is empty and cold.

They inevitably get closer again while recording their new album, Don't Mess Up My Tempo. Long night practices preparing for stages, shooting the MV, joking around like old times. It feels good, it feels warm and Baekhyun sometimes forgets they broke up. But then he'll touch Chanyeol and the spark of electricity makes him realize that he can't take it further than a hug.

Then there is Love Shot.

It's hard not to drool over Chanyeol. His costumes are hot, his rapping is hot, everything about him is hotter than usual. He finds himself fantasizing a lot about his ex-boyfriend, usually with a hand wrapped around his cock in the shower.

A loud knock on the door startles him.

"Baekhyun, what's taking you so long,” asks Jongdae.

The fantasy dissolves into bitterness as he realizes people outside the bathroom want to get in. Baekhyun was so close to cumming but then everything halted. He grunts frustrated and turns off the water. He pats himself dry quickly and goes to his room to dress in his pajamas. They are in the middle of promotions, but sleep evades him even with the amount of work he has been put under. Annoyed, he goes to the living room and turns on the TV, mindlessly watching, hoping slumber will come so he's not super tired in the morning.

Everyone is asleep. He’s flipping through the channels when suddenly Chanyeol walks into the living room. During promotions, he always stayed in the dorm with them.

“Can't sleep?” Baekhyun asks.

“You know me” he answers, sitting on the couch with him.

Baekhyun drops the remote, leaving it on a random movie. He pretends to be watching but truthfully he's thinking about his moment earlier in the shower where he was imagining Chanyeol fucking him like you used to. Fire pools inside his stomach and his cock twitches.

_ "If we were meeting for the first time today on a train, would you find me attractive?" _

_ "Of course." _

He feels a goosebump run over his skin, feeling Chanyeol move beside him. They're close but not too close.

_ "No, but really, right now as I am? Would you start talking to me?" _

He risks a look in his direction with the corner of his eyes. Chanyeol seems to be watching the movie but he catches Baekhyun's movements.

_ "Would you ask me to get off the train with you?" _

"What?” Chanyeol laughs.

Baekhyun wonders if his desire is obvious on his face. He tries to say something but his tongue is tied. Chanyeol becomes serious. So maybe it is clear.

Before he knows what he's doing, Baekhyun leans in and grabs Chanyeol by the collar of his shirt. A million fireworks go off inside him when their lips touch for the first time after a year. And Chanyeol is kissing him back. It's familiar, it's warm, it's full of want and need. 

Chanyeol pulls him over his lap, hands on his ass, squeezing hard. Their mouths clash together, hungry, desperate. Baekhyun realizes he's not the only one that misses this. That idea just turns him on more and his cock is fully hard very quickly. They don't stop. Baekhyun's hand flies inside Chanyeol's pants palming his erection, making Chanyeol grunt. He takes his index and middle finger and slides it into Baekhyun's mouth, who is rutting his hips against him. Baekhyun sucks on them, humming, coating them with lots of spit. Then Chanyeol takes the fingers to Baekhyun's ass and slides them into his rim. He hisses against Chanyeol's mouth.

They keep kissing while touching each other. Baekhyun takes Chanyeol's cock out of his pants and does the same for himself. He fists both erections in his hand and strokes them languidly. They are moaning into each other's mouths, hot breath fanning against their faces, bodies trembling. Then, Chanyeol grabs him by the hips, positioning him on his knees on the couch with his elbows propped up on the backrest. He pulls his pants down just enough to bare his ass and gets behind him lining up his cock. 

The first push in is the hardest without lube. Baekhyun braces himself, hands curling into fists, knuckles turning white.

But the pain, the burn, the stretch around Chanyeol’s girth is everything he wants to feel. He wants that and nothing else. He wants that manageable pain, that easy pain, instead of a heartache he doesn't understand.

Chanyeol bottoms out. They both stop to catch their breaths for a second and Chanyeol leans in to kiss Baekhyun's nape. He keeps his eyes closed, lost in the moment, enjoying every second of it. Chanyeol starts fucking him with slow controlled movements. Soon the pain gives away to pleasure and Baekhyun is fighting to keep his noises down. It's been so long since they had sex, he's so sensitive and tight, that both of them feel their peak coming fast. Baekhyun cums on Chanyeol’s hand, who moved it to cup the head so it wouldn’t dirty up the entire couch. 

After the high, they're both panting, exhausted. Chanyeol takes a moment before he pulls away.

“Let me wash my hands and I will be right back,” he says.

He disappears quickly. Baekhyun pulls his pants up and falls to the side, laying on the couch. He takes a deep breath, the reality of what they just did sinking in. Chanyeol comes back and picks him up on his lap.

“What are you doing?” he asks

“Getting you cleaned up” he answers.

Baekhyun decides not to argue with him. Once they are in the bathroom, Chanyeol opens the faucet. They keep silent while they undress and get under the water.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol says.

“For what?” Baekhyun asks nervously, hoping he doesn’t regret what happened.

“I bit you right here,'' he explained, touching the curve of Baekhyun’s neck.

“Oh. I didn't even notice.”

He was so caught up in his high that he completely missed his ex-boyfriend's sexual idiosyncrasies.

“It's fine,” he says. “I got good at hiding it didn't I?”

Chanyeol chuckles and Baekhyun joins him. It's light-hearted and he's glad for it.

After their shower, they get back to their room. Baekhyun lies on his bed. Chanyeol pauses, standing around awkwardly. 

“Do you want to-” he starts hesitantly. “...lay with me?”

Chanyeol doesn't answer, but he hops in bed beside him. Baekhyun feels his stomach flipping. He doesn't really know why. Chanyeol uses his arm to pull him closer and kiss his temple. They fall asleep together for the first time in over a year.

It doesn't change things. They don't get back together. They don't talk about that night. Maybe because they both know it would be too hard to bring it up and delve into old scars. Maybe it was just a one-time thing for the sake of missing each other. That's what Baekhyun thinks.

Until it's time for Minseok to enlist.

While trying to keep his usual happy and positive demeanor for Eris and the rest of the group, Baekhyun is still very affected by the hyung’s departure. Even though he knows the moment will eventually come for all of them, the idea that EXO begins to fracture now and, as each member enlists, will only be whole again after a long time, really upsets him. 

So after they leave Minseok’s last fanmeeting, Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol.

“I don't want to be alone tonight,” he says.

Chanyeol looks him deep in the eye and understands. So they ride together to his apartment.

As soon as they close the door, Baekhyun throws his arms around Chanyeol. They just hold each other for a while. Baekhyun pulls back to look at him. His eyes are shining with tears. He touches Chanyeol's face with featherlight fingertips, tracing a pattern over his jawline, his cheek, his temple. Chanyeol leans in and Baekhyun closes the distance, meeting him for a kiss.

It's soft and sweet and filled with their ache. It's like a release, a breath of fresh air. They get out of their shoes without stopping the kiss. Then, Chanyeol grabs him by the ass, lifting him up, and Baekhyun wraps his legs around his waist. Chanyeol takes them to bed. He lies Baekhyun on it and presses his body against him, pulling a moan out of Baekhyun. They make out until their bodies are simmering, feeling suffocated by their clothes. 

Chanyeol sits on his haunches and starts undressing and Baekhyun does the same. Chanyeol reaches for the bedside table and picks up lube. Chanyeol doesn’t take long to coat his fingers and start prepping Baekhyun, fingers deft and experienced, still knowing exactly how he likes it. Baekhyun just throws his head against the pillow and closes his eyes, allowing himself to forget about everything outside that room. All his anxieties, all his worries, all his schedules that overwork his body and mind to the limits of sanity. There are only Chanyeol and his comforting and arousing touch, inside their nostalgic bubble.

When he’s ready, Chanyeol lines up and starts sinking in. Baekhyun moans at the familiar burn. He pulls Chanyeol down to kiss him, while he slowly moves into him. Baekhyun wraps his legs around him, and Chanyeol starts moving his hips. Baekhyun is soon panting, nails digging into his back, moaning his name, not caring about the loud noises. He just needs him tonight.

They cum together, and catch their breaths, so in sync, it doesn’t feel like reality. 

After, they take a shower and get under the covers. Baekhyun lays his head on Chanyeol’s chest, while his ex caresses his back with soft fingertips. They just stay like that, in the dark, in silence. Even though Baekhyun wants to say he loves him, he knows he shouldn’t. He knows it would be stupid to complicate the situation between them, more than it already is. They have somehow reached a balance between being friends, band members, and ex-lovers. It is a delicate balance, one he can’t risk tampering with. 

Life goes on. Baekhyun distracts himself with his solo debut. It’s easy for him to do that. Chanyeol cherishes and supports him all the way. Everything is fine, maybe even great. 

Until the news drops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry about the cliff hanger, you know i'll update soon :}
> 
> what do you think is the news??? hahaha
> 
> ♥


	9. The obsession

Baekhyun is caught off guard when his manager offhandedly comments about a news article on Chanyeol. Two sasaengs had tried to break into his apartment back in April, and Baekhyun already knew that. But what the article mentioned that Chanyeol hadn’t, was the fact that there was a woman inside his home. 

His stomach twists in an uncomfortable way like he might throw up, just at the idea of Chanyeol with someone else. He excuses himself and goes to the bathroom, trying to catch his breath. He’s hyperventilating, the back of his neck running cold. He knows he’s imagining things, torturing himself, when he can’t know for sure until he talks to Chanyeol. Baekhyun also knows he has no right to demand anything from him. They aren’t together. They just fucked two times since they broke up. He decides to text him anyway because not knowing will probably kill him.

_ BH: i need to see you _

_ PCY: come over. i’ll be home tonight. _

So Baekhyun does. He tries to hide his shaking hands inside his pockets.

“What’s up? How’s everything with the debut?” Chanyeol asks so casually

Meanwhile, Baekhyun feels like he’s been shot and is bleeding all over the floor.

“It’s going good,” he answers. “How’s your SC’s debut?”

“We are having a lot of fun actually” Chanyeol smiles. 

He finally stops to look at Baekhyun. He frowns.

“What happened? You don’t look so good.”

Baekhyun stares at his feet for a moment.

“Who was here the day the sasaengs tried to break in?” he says.

Chanyeol’s face turns into an impassive mask.

“I-I need to know the truth. Please” his voice is weak.

He feels embarrassed to be begging like that. It’s ridiculous. But he has to know.

“We are not together.”

“I know” Baekhyun can’t look at him anymore, tears burning in his eyes. “We’re still friends though, why can’t you say it?”

Chanyeol sighs.

“Someone I was seeing. Nothing special.”

“Were you seeing her last time we fucked?”

Silence.

“Yes. But it’s not like she was my girlfriend. Just something casual.”

He nods. 

“Baekhyun,” says Chanyeol getting up and walking towards him. “We aren’t-”

“I know, I’m not stupid” interrupts Baekhyun, wiping his tears away. “The news just caught me off guard.”

He shrugs.

“I’ll leave you be” he turns around. 

“Wait” Chanyeol takes his arm. “We should talk about this.”

“I don’t think I can. Not today.”

Chanyeol lets him go.

“Okay.”

Baekhyun leaves. When he gets to his car, he crumbles, leaning on the steering wheel. It’s good that his windows are tinted because otherwise, anyone would see him ugly crying in the parking lot. He sobs and sobs, pain choking his throat, imagining Chanyeol with whoever that woman was. 

He guesses he finally found out how Chanyeol felt when Baekhyun dated someone else.

It’s shit.

He drives home when he manages to recompose himself. He realizes he needs to let Chanyeol go, actually do it this time. His feelings for him are still there. They never truly faded or left, because he never wanted to kill them. He cherished their relationship so much. But it is clear that Chanyeol is moving on. So maybe he should do the same.

Baekhyun decides he’ll get out there and see what it’s like. If Chanyeol can do it, so can he. Somehow, he manages to drag Jongin and Sehun with him to a club. While the first is completely hating it, Sehun is having the time of his life, drinking whisky and chatting up some guys. Baekhyun has never done this before, just casually hook up with a stranger. But he will at least try to see how it is.

It sucks.

He takes a random girl home, a foreigner that doesn’t know what EXO is, and they have messy drunk sex in his kitchen. He manages to cum somehow but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Then, she leaves, and all he wants is to take a shower and forget he ever tried it.

Baekhyun will just have to settle for getting over Chanyeol without having sex with random people. So he chooses to focus his energy on his work, which seems to be multiplying. He debuts with City Lights, promotes, while also touring with EXO and handling all his SuperM commitments. It’s a busy year overall and it keeps his mind away from his ex.

Being with SuperM is a breath of fresh air. He’s the eldest and the leader, and it’s nice having the dongsaengs from other groups around. Taeyong in particular seems to like him a lot and Baekhyun likes to make him laugh. The group has a great time starting their tour in the United States.

But he comes back. And being home is always more complicated for him, even if it is his home. Because at home he can’t run away from his problems. He can’t run away from his ex that he still fucking loves, he can’t run away from the hate he receives for promoting and being a part of SuperM, he can’t run away from EXO’s new comeback, he can’t run away from his stupid diet and growling stomach, because all he wants is a damn Hawaiian pizza, but he can’t have that. 

At least EXO’s comeback means being close to his members. Even if now they are only six, half of what they started as. Baekhyun also loves Obsession’s concept, costumes, and makeup. They are having a lot of fun promoting together, especially seeing Jongin try to hide his abs during the shows’ interviews. Baekhyun is happy with his turtleneck and pissed that even if Chanyeol is also wearing one, he manages to stay sexy as hell. He can’t deny that there have been sparks here and there since they started working on the album. It’s like Don’t Mess Up My Tempo all over again. Baekhyun is seeing the pattern but has no idea how to break it. He’s just too drawn in. A little brush of hands is enough to send his heart reeling.

They are in the dressing room of Music Bank after their performance. Everyone is drinking something and swiping off their gore makeup for the encore. Baekhyun is sitting in a corner, pretending to play on his phone, but really he has been watching Chanyeol for a while. He sees him move towards the bathroom and, before thinking twice, he goes after him. Baekhyun walks in on Chanyeol washing his hands.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey” Baekhyun echoes, locking the door behind him.

Chanyeol dries his hands and moves to take off his contact lenses. Baekhyun snatches his wrist. Chanyeol looks at him, confused, through the mirror. Baekhyun turns him around and makes him rest his back against the sink. Then, he closes the distance between their bodies slowly, giving ample time for Chanyeol to reject him. But he doesn’t. Their noses touch. Chanyeol is the one who kisses him. Baekhyun sucks on his lip and bites it.

“Open your eyes,” asks Baekhyun.

Chanyeol does so and looks at him through the white and blue contacts. Baekhyun can see lust in the half-lidded gaze. Chanyeol’s breathing is heavy as Baekhyun reaches for the zipper in his black pants. He takes his ex’s semi-hard cock in his hand, thumb playing with the head, spreading precome over his fingers. Baekhyun starts jerking him off just like he knows Chanyeol likes it, speed picking up little by little. Chanyeol’s hand fists a chunk of Baekhyun’s hair. They never break their stare. Chanyeol tries to keep his grunts and gasps low. When Baekhyun sees him trembling, he knows Chanyeol is about to cum, chest moving rapidly. He uses his free hand to prevent the cum from spilling all over their clothes. After he orgasms, Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun for a kiss.

“So X-EXO’s Chanyeol is a turn on for you?” he grins.

Baekhyun chuckles.

“Maybe” he whispers and kisses Chanyeol again. 

Someone knocks on the door.

“Are you fucking in there?” asks Jongin. “We gotta get to the stage.”

Baekhyun moves to wash his hands and Chanyeol tucks himself in, fixing his clothes. Then, before they exit, Chanyeol kisses the back of Baekhyun’s neck, right behind his ear.

“Seriously, guys? Keep it in your pants” says Junmyeon, and the two of them can’t help but laugh. 

“Why did you think we were having sex?” Baekhyun pretends to be offended.

“Because we know you” Jongin deadpans.

“It wasn’t us,” says Chanyeol. “It was X-EXO.”

That makes everyone laugh as they leave the dressing room to join the other groups on stage.

Later, after winning, dinner, and a shower, Baekhyun is on his bed for an early night, because tomorrow they have another show. He’s going through his phone mindlessly when Chanyeol gets in. He hears the lock turn and looks at him, curiosity spiking. Chanyeol has that look on his face and Baekhyun knows exactly what happens next. He drops his phone in time to wrap his arms around Chanyeol, who lays on top of Baekhyun to kiss him.

Chanyeol captures his lips with power and in a flash, he’s in control of the situation completely. Baekhyun yields to him gladly. It’s just so easy to give himself over to Chanyeol, and their restroom action earlier must have triggered something in him, because Chanyeol seems to be really into it like he’s wanted this for a long time. 

He has Baekhyun moaning in no time, fucking him with his fingers and then his cock, until he cums while crying out his name.

The next day, they have another win on Music Core. At night, Baekhyun fucks Chanyeol, something that hasn’t happened in a long, long time. 

Maybe comebacks and wins are their aphrodisiacs. 

Baekhyun has no idea about what’s actually happening or why. Like most of the time since their break up, they don’t talk about it. Baekhyun enjoys the sex, trying not to think too much about it, because he knows if he starts thinking, he won’t stop, and a bunch of anxieties will pop up in his head. 

By the end of January, Baekhyun leaves for the United States again for the rest of the North American dates, the last stop being Mexico. 

The night before their concert, they decide to watch a movie. Taemin laughs at it, while everyone else is scared, especially Ten, Lucas and Taeyong. As it's time for bed, Baekhyun is getting under the covers, when he hears a knock.

“Hyung, we don't wanna sleep in our room," says Lucas. "It's… scary in there."

Baekhyun sighs.

"Get in here."

The two hop in his bed, Taeyong in the middle, Lucas clinging to him. Baekhyun lies on the other side of Taeyong, not too close.

"It's okay, guys. Your hyung is here now" he jokes, making them laugh.

At least they think he is funny. Taeyong has his hands over his stomach and Lucas is playing with one of them. 

"Are you sleepy?" he asks.

"A bit," says Lucas, burrowing his nose on Taeyong's hair.

"Sort of," the NCT 127 leader says.

"Do you wanna hear a story?"

Both nod.

"Okay" Baekhyun adjusts his pillows and looks at them. "Once upon a time there was an orphan girl named Rey. She was a scavenger that lived on the desert planet of Jakku. One day, she meets a droid named BB-8…”

“That sounds familiar,” says Lucas, groggy voice and lidded eyes.

“Shhhh” goes Baekhyun, closing Lucas’ eyes with his fingers. “Don’t think, just focus on my voice.”

Taeyong nods, blinking slowly.

“But then, everyone wanted to capture the droid. And she ran into a guy that said he could take the droid to where it belonged, back with the Resistance.”

Baekhyun keeps going, narrating in a steady boring voice.

“She feels a presence around her, and then-”

“Hyung,” says Taeyong.

Baekhyun stops and looks at him.

“Is this a Star Wars movie?”

“Yes, it’s Force Awakens” he smiles. “The one EXO made a song for.”

He notices Lucas is fast asleep and lies his head on the pillow, eyes on Taeyong.

“What’s keeping you up?”

“I was enjoying the story,” he says. “What happens next?”

“Rey meets Kylo Ren in the forest and he takes her away to interrogate her.”

“Oh, no.”

“It’s okay. He doesn’t want to hurt her.”

“He’s not the villain?” Taeyong frowns.

“Kinda. But not really. He’s Han and Leia’s son.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

Baekhyun chuckles at his dongsaeng’s clueless face.

“You’ve never watched the Original Trilogy?”

“No…”

“What do you young people do for fun?”

Taeyong smiles.

“PUBG, League…”

“Well, I do that too. We could play sometime when we’re back home. And watch some Star Wars” says Baekhyun.

“I’d like that, hyung.”

“But now we should sleep. Are you still scared?”

Taeyong shakes his head.

“Good,” says Baekhyun, bopping his nose.

He closes his eyes and soon sleep is taking over him, as he feels Taeyong’s warmth by his side.

Baekhyun wakes up with Taeyong’s hand on his like the dongsaeng moved and grabbed it in the middle of the night. He realizes the both of them are still sleeping, unmoved from their positions, Taeyong’s mouth slightly parted and Lucas holding him close, leg thrown over the smaller guy. He smiles at the scene because it looks so cute. He also wonders if those two were ever a thing. He knows from general gossip among the idols that Taeyong has hooked up with other boys before but never heard anything about Lucas.

“Guys, wake up,” Baekhyun says, shaking Taeyong. “Time for coffee.”

Lucas grunts and turns around, pulling the covers up his head, while Taeyong blinks his eyes open. When he realizes Baekhyun is sitting up and looking at him, their hands still intertwined, he blushes and breaks off the touch. His silver hair is all over the place. 

“Do you wanna hop in the shower?” asks Baekhyun casually, getting up and pulling his shirt over his head.

“What?”

“It’s not a big deal” Baekhyun chuckles. “I showered with all of EXO, Taemin, Ten. It’s a team-building thing. Up to you.”

“O-oh” Taeyong is flustered but follows Baekhyun into the bathroom. “Sure.”

He turns on the water, waiting for it to heat up just in his boxers. Taeyong takes off his shirt, exposing his lean fair torso to the morning cold. He hugs himself, rubbing his arms. 

“Get in, the water is great,” says Baekhyun. 

He looks away as Taeyong slips off his boxers. He doesn’t intend to look directly at his friend’s private parts. When Taeyong is under the water, he joins him. They take turns washing their heads, and when Taeyong starts scrubbing himself, Baekhyun offers to help him with his back.

“Did I ever tell you I was the last one to join SM?” he asks.

Taeyong shakes his head. 

“I only trained for basically a year” he continues. “While a lot of EXO already knew each other for a long time, I was the new guy. I was also old for a trainee. So when I got picked to debut, I was so terrified that I wouldn’t be good enough… Anyway, I wanted to be close to them as soon as possible. That’s why I started showering with them.”

Taeyong turns around, his wet bangs sticking to his forehead.

“And it worked?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun smiles. “And it’s gonna work for us too.”

Baekhyun runs his fingers through Taeyong’s hair. 

“You’re good to go,” he says.

Taeyong gets out and Baekhyun finishes his shower alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't gonna make you all wait for it, so here it is! it wasn't superm although we enter superm era here. there comes taeyong all puppy love towards baekhyun ahahaha :c
> 
> i hope you liked it!
> 
> be safe ♥


	10. The terrace

After Mexico City, SuperM goes home. Baekhyun is focused on preparing for his next solo mini-album and doesn’t get to see Chanyeol a lot. But they do hook up a couple of times. It is the first time since they broke up that they seemed to be doing that regularly. He wonders what it means. Besides the obvious fact that he isn’t over Chanyeol and will get on his knees for him very easily - which is humiliating to admit, but also true.

The days until his Europe tour go by quickly and soon Baekhyun is in Paris, decided to have fun with his friends. After their concert, he takes a long shower and drops down on his comfortable hotel bed. But he feels… lonely. He looks at the time and decides to call Chanyeol because he’s probably up already in Seoul.

The phone rings a couple of times, no answer. When Baekhyun is about to give up and hang up, someone picks up.

“ _ Hello? _ ” it’s a woman’s voice.

Baekhyun’s tongue is tied. 

“ _ Hello? _ ” she repeats.

“ _ What are you doing? _ ” he can hear Chanyeol’s voice in the distance.

“ _ Who’s ‘mochi baby cheeks’?? _ ” the woman asks Chanyeol and Baekhyun cuts the call, not knowing what to feel.

‘Mochi baby cheeks’ was Baekhyun's contact name on Chanyeol’s phone while the two were dating, as a cute joke. He imagined that Chanyeol would have changed it after they broke up. But apparently, he didn’t. Because a random lady picking up his phone in his house is now wondering who it was. Baekhyun closes his eyes, putting his phone aside, on mute. He pulls the covers tight, trying to find some heat for his suddenly cooling body. 

Why is Baekhyun surprised that Chanyeol is still seeing other people? It’s not like they said anything about being exclusive.

He sighs and closes his eyes, welcoming the darkness. He doesn’t want to think about Chanyeol tonight anymore.

That night, he dreams of a broken mirror put back together again. And in its cracks, lie lines of gold, like shining scars. He regards his reflection until suddenly it transforms into Chanyeol. The two ex-lovers gaze at one another. Baekhyun raises his hand to touch him through the mirror, but it burns his hand.

Baekhyun sits up gulping for air. It’s already morning. He examines his hand, confused, but nothing’s wrong with it. The pain in the dream felt so strong and real, that for a moment he got scared something had actually happened. His phone has eight missed calls from Chanyeol. He ignores it. His shirt is damp from sweat like he was running a fever. He takes it off on his way to the bathroom. 

Under the water, he tries to forget Chanyeol’s eyes inside the cracked mirror, looking back at him.

During their concert in London, Baekhyun is channeling everything he’s got, all worries forgotten outside of the stage. He’s drinking the cheers and lights of the crowd, enjoying his band members one last time before their tour comes to an end. Afterward, they dress up to go to a fancy restaurant and celebrate with lots of champagne. 

Everyone is laughing and talking in smaller groups, Taemin with his arms around Jongin - Baekhyun wonders if the both of them are fucking again - talking to Mark, Lucas making Ten laugh, and Taeyong paying close attention to whatever nonsense Baekhyun is spewing. He’s a bit high, not too much, but enough for his collar to feel a bit tight.

“I think I need some air,” he says.

“I’ll go with you,” says Taeyong.

“Okay,” Baekhyun nods, getting up.

The two stumble together out onto the rooftop terrace that has an amazing view of the city. 

“Wow” goes Baekhyun, not minding the cold wind somehow. “This is amazing.”

He leans against the rail.

“Careful, hyung,” says Taeyong, hooking their arms together.

Baekhyun looks at him, a bit surprised at the contact, Taeyong’s face is close, his big eyes reflecting all the city lights. He always thought Taeyong was pretty but tonight he’s particularly charming.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says, walking away from the edge, finding a wall to lean against, somewhat shaded from the light. 

Taeyong follows and stands in front of him, hands in his pockets. The suit is well fitted on his body. Baekhyun chastises himself for his mind going there. But then he wonders, why not? What’s stopping him? Taeyong clearly likes him, for whatever reason. Maybe he likes him as more than just a sunbae?

“So how did you like our tour, Taeyongie?” he asks, trying to make up conversation.

“Hm?” Taeyong takes a step closer, tilting his head like he didn’t hear him.

Baekhyun puts a hand on his waist and leans on his ear.

“How did you like our tour?” he repeats slowly, trying to make himself heard.

He pulls back and looks at him, cutting off their point of contact. Taeyong doesn’t move away though, staying in between Baekhyun’s legs.

“It was amazing,” he smiles. “I’ll always remember it.”

Baekhyun can’t help but smile with him, always so adorable. Taeyong leans into Baekhyun’s ear.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Actually a bit cold now.”

Taeyong rubs Baekhyun’s arms up and down. They lock eyes, their proximity suddenly heightened by the touch. Baekhyun can clearly see Taeyong looking at his lips, something passing in his eyes. Taeyong takes another step closer and Baekhyun’s hands fall to his waist.

“Taeyong…”

“What?” his eyes are fixed on Baekhyun’s face, unwavering.

“Are you drunk?” 

“I’m not” Taeyong is leaning in until their noses touch together and his eyes flutter shut.

Their warm breaths are mingling in the cold of the night. Something coils inside Baekhyun’s stomach, having Taeyong so close, clearly wanting him. 

“You can kiss me if you want” he whispers and that’s the last straw for Baekhyun’s self-control.

Baekhyun seals their lips, goosebumps running up his skin. He clutches Taeyong’s waist hard and pulls him flush against his body. Taeyong wraps around him, opening his lips, welcoming him easily. Soon, their tongues are clashing, bodies clinging, and they’re lost under that touch. Baekhyun’s mind is blank, completely forgetting everything outside of that kiss. And that’s exactly what he’s been needing. He feels his cock filling up quickly against his skinny jeans and there’s no point in hiding because Taeyong is also obviously turned on.

They are letting go, letting lust lead the way tonight.

He’s got Taeyong’s hair in between his fingers, pulling it back firmly, but not enough to hurt, while Taeyong hums softly against their kiss when they can hear someone calling their names from afar. They jump apart fast, wiping their mouths, and tidying their clothes and hair, before getting inside and finding the rest of the group, except for Lucas and Ten.

“There you are,” says Mark. “We were leaving and couldn’t find you.”

“We were just admiring the view” lies Baekhyun.

The five of them get in their van and leave for the hotel. Baekhyun sits beside Taeyong, trying to keep his hands to himself. But it’s Taeyong who sneaks his palm over Baekhyun’s knee discreetly. So he leans in his ear.

“Do you wanna have a drink in my room?” 

Taeyong doesn’t show any reaction except squeezing his hand on Baekhyun. He imagines that’s a yes and bites Taeyong’s earlobe to say he got the message.

The ride back to the hotel goes by in a flash. 

As soon as the door is closing behind them, they are all over each other, kissing and touching. Baekhyun puts Taeyong against the wall, clutching his waist, pressing their bodies together. He rolls his hips and Taeyong lets a sigh escape from his lips. Baekhyun decides he likes that a lot. He kisses down Taeyong’s neck, hands trailing to his zipper.

“I can stop anytime you want” he lets him know.

“Don’t stop” Taeyong exhales.

So Baekhyun keeps going, opening Taeyong’s pants and taking his cock in his hands, making Taeyong moan unabashedly. Baekhyun gets on his knees and doesn’t hesitate to start sucking Taeyong off, whose hands fly to Baekhyun’s locks of hair. He does it slowly, taking his time, licking his shaft, enjoying the sounds he’s pulling from Taeyong. He keeps it going, swallowing all of him many times, well-practiced and getting off on giving him pleasure, so much so he wants to touch himself, which makes him open his own pants and palm his cock over his underwear. Trembling, Taeyong cums at the back of his throat and Baekhyun drinks it all without a doubt.

Taeyong is panting hard after that, while Baekhyun tucks him back inside his pants and gets up to deposit a peck on his lips. Baekhyun smiles at him and Taeyong chuckles.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi” Taeyong answers. “My turn.”

He slides down to his knees and finds Baekhyun’s pants already open, so he palms the erection once before kissing and licking its head. Baekhyun moans and steadies himself with a hand on the wall, the other snatching Taeyong’s hair. Taeyong is looking at him from down there while he plays with his cock, driving Baekhyun insane. It’s obvious he knows what he’s doing and that only makes Baekhyun more turned on. Taeyong swallows all of him easily a couple of times.

“You can fuck my face if you want,” he says and Baekhyun feels he might cum just from the words.

“Okay,” he barely answers.

Baekhyun grabs him by the hair, firmly holding his head in place, and starts fucking his mouth slowly because his pleasure is already peaking. Taeyong apparently has no gag reflex, as he’s able to take all of him without even flinching, and Baekhyun is just watching him from above, looking so lewd, staring him right back with half-lidded dark eyes full of fire. With that vision, it’s impossible to hold it back, and Baekhyun cums with a shudder and a long moan. 

He is calming his breath when Taeyong gets up. Baekhyun leans against him, wrapping his arms around his waist, while Taeyong pulls up his underwear for him. He kisses his neck.

“You’re amazing.”

Taeyong laughs.

“Do you want something to drink?” he asks, taking his hand and bringing him into the bedroom. They had barely made it inside before what’s probably the first round of the night.

“Some water,” Taeyong says.

“Get comfortable” offers Baekhyun.

Taeyong takes off his jacket and shoes and sits on the bed. Baekhyun brings him a bottle of water.

“Thanks.”

He also takes his shoes and jacket off, then turns to him.

“You can leave if you want to,” Baekhyun says. “But I’d rather you stayed a while.”

“I wanna stay,” Taeyong says after downing a gulp of water.

Baekhyun smiles and closes the distance between them, taking Taeyong’s face in his hands. 

“Good,” he says and kisses him.

They stay up way later than they should. Baekhyun really wants to fuck him or get fucked but didn’t prepare for something like this, so he has no condoms or lube. They still manage to have plenty of fun though.

Taeyong doesn’t sleep in Baekhyun’s room. They decide it’s better if no one knows about their one-night-stand. And that’s all it is. A one-time thing. They getting carried away by the champagne, the London air, and the nostalgia of ending their first tour together. They go back to South Korea with an agreement to play some online games together and not make it awkward.

Baekhyun’s back to running around and dieting for his new album, so it’s not like he has time to see anyone. His schedule is packed. Yet, somehow, Chanyeol manages to find him home.

“What’s up?” Baekhyun asks.

“You haven’t been answering my calls,” says Chanyeol.

They are standing in his living room.

“I’ve been busy, the comeback, Beyond Live…”

“So it has nothing to do with Paris?” Chanyeol arches his eyebrow, arms crossed over his chest.

“What about Paris?” asks Baekhyun, pretending not to know what he’s saying.

Chanyeol exhales loudly.

“You can’t even look at me,” he says, walking until he is in Baekhyun’s personal space.

That made it hard not to look at Chanyeol, so he does, tilting his head up. Chanyeol’s dark eyes are piercing Baekhyun’s mask and his defenses. He’s about to complain when Chanyeol takes his arm, rubbing a thumb over his skin soothingly. Baekhyun, who had a terrible day, flutters his eyes shut.

“Let’s just talk” mutters Chanyeol.

Baekhyun leans his forehead against Chanyeol’s chest.

“Who picked up your phone?”

“Joy.”

“Okay” Baekhyun steps away from him, getting in the kitchen. “Is she the same person that was in your apartment last April? During the sasaeng incident?”

Baekhyun pours a large glass of water and looks for a painkiller

“Yes” answers Chanyeol.

“I thought she was just your friend.”

He pops the pill and swallows it.

“It’s never been serious” he assures him. “I told you it was casual. And we are not-”

“Together” Baekhyun turns around, mustering a smile. “I know that, don’t worry.”

They regard each other in silence.

“She seemed… upset,” says Baekhyun.

“She’s fine.”

“Perfect” Baekhyun clears his throat. “Well it’s late and I really need to-”

He’s interrupted by Chanyeol’s lips on his. Feeling like he’ll drown, he grabs Chanyeol’s shirt for purchase. He has Baekhyun’s face between his hands, pressing him against the counter, pulling sighs out of him.

“Wait” Baekhyun interrupts everything. “I-I have to say something.”

“What?”

“I hooked up with someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is a bit unrelated but we see this terrace scene from ten's pov in another two fics haha. in one of them baekyong just kiss and in the other it is what happens here, which is the version of this series.
> 
> anyway! yeah. i hope you enjoyed finally knowing how it happened between them. taeyong is not afraid to be forward in want he wants here, because it's still just sex for him. when feelings get involved it's out of his depth as you can tell if you read his fic of the verse.
> 
> ah and i just picked joy because i simply googled "chanyeol dating rumors" and she came up haha i don't really know anything about red velvet besides monster XD
> 
> i hope my workload this week is light so i can post soon  
> be safe ♥


	11. The spill

“I hooked up with someone.”

Baekhyun can see the surprise in Chanyeol’s eyes, betraying his attempt to keep an impassive expression. He pulls back and lets Baekhyun go.

“Since we’re being honest… It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t tell you” he explains.

Chanyeol takes a second to recompose himself.

“Yeah. You’re right” he says. “And of course, you can hook up with anyone you want…”

“I can.”

But still, Chanyeol turns around, taking his beanie in his hands and running his fingers through his hair.

“Can I ask who?”

Baekhyun gulps.

“Taeyong.”

Chanyeol freezes.

“Your SuperM bandmate?”

“We don’t know any other Taeyong…”

“I’m actually not surprised,” says Chanyeol, turning back to look at him. “Considering what I’ve heard.”

Baekhyun frowns.

“Don’t be a jerk about it.”

“I just hear things, it’s inevitable. We all fuck each other in that company.”

“Of course you’d know” Baekhyun shakes his head, muttering. 

“Baekhyun…”

“Whatever” he shrugs, going to the sink to wash his glass. “It was just a one-time thing. We had champagne and got carried away.”

He puts the glass away and dries his hands.

“You know what, Chanyeol?” he turns around to face him. “Not ‘we’. You all fuck each other in SM. I don’t. This is the first time. Before that, I dated people I loved and that was it. So cut the crap.”

Chanyeol is gawking at him, probably surprised at his uncharacteristic outburst.

“Okay.”

“And I need to sleep now. I’m tired, my schedule is insane, there’s so much shit to do for my comeback…” he rubs his eyes with his palms.

Chanyeol hugs him.

“It’s fine. You’ll be great” he whispers in his ear. “If you need help I’m one phone call away.”

Baekhyun nods, dejected. Now that Chanyeol is hugging him, he doesn’t want him to leave. Chanyeol kisses his temple and Baekhyun wants to sob but doesn’t.

“Goodnight,” he says, leaving Baekhyun’s apartment.

He's all alone again.

“Fuck” Baekhyun says to himself.

He barely sleeps that night and when he does, it’s shallow. 

The weeks pass and they approach the SuperM Beyond Live concert. Being a leader isn’t easy. If anything is wrong, he’s the one that hears it from the managers or higher-ups first. He’s also the one that gets scolded. He’s not used to that. In EXO, things are easy for him. So when their Tiger Inside choreography isn’t as sharp as it’s supposed to be at that moment in time, Baekhyun feels the weight on his shoulders to make it happen.

The group is running it one more time. Everyone is tired after hours of practice, skins glistening from sweat. 

They are transitioning positions when Ten bumps into Baekhyun and accidentally trips. It happened before, but he never fell down. They stop the music. Ten is holding his ankle on the floor, Lucas is at his side in an instant, whispering something Baekhyun can’t hear.

“Is it serious?” asks Mark, worried.

“What happened?” asks Jongin.

“I don’t know” Baekhyun shrugs, his frustration finally boiling. “Ten, out of all people how are you not getting this?”

“I’m sorry, hyungs,” Ten says dejectedly. 

Baekhyun is about to apologize because he realizes he was harsher than he intended.

“Hyung, back off of him, can't you see he is fucking exhausted?” Lucas snaps his head up, staring at Baekhyun. 

The attitude surprises him.

“We are all exhausted, Lucas” reasons Baekhyun.

Lucas smirks and gets up.

“I’m sorry, hyung, but you are not the one rehearsing for  _ two _ live concerts,” Lucas says. The tension in the room grows.

“Lucas, don’t” Ten’s voice is so small they can barely hear him. 

Baekhyun is looking at Lucas, half shocked, half offended by the way he is acting. The situation is getting away from Baekhyun by the second and he is clueless as to what to do. 

Taeyong decides to intervene, putting a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Guys, let’s calm down and talk it out…” he starts saying, but Lucas interrupts him

“Oh please, Taeyong, don’t side with him just because he is your boyfriend.”

And the room goes so silent, one could hear a pin drop. 

Baekhyun's stomach lurches like he's about to throw up.

How does he know?

For a moment, everyone is staring at Lucas.

Then they are all staring at each other. Mark stares at Taeyong, who looks confused. Jongin is staring at Baekhyun with disbelief. Ten is looking up at Lucas, mouth pressed in a line. Then Baekhyun stares at Taeyong, who is looking at him with round terrified eyes, which tell him he didn't say anything to anyone like they promised. 

Of course, Jongin is the one who breaks the silence.

“Seriously, Baekhyun? You hooked up with Taeyong?”

Baekhyun turns to Jongin with his hands on his hips, rolling his eyes.

“Like you are one to talk” Baekhyun interjects.

“Does Chanyeol know about this?” Jongin continues as if he hasn't gone far enough.

Now Taeyong has crouched into a ball, arms over his head. Mark can’t seem to close his jaw. Ten is still sitting down not looking at anyone, while Lucas seems to be regretting ever opening his mouth.

“We were on a break. And yes, he knows. Who are you to judge me anyway-” explains Baekhyun.

“It’s not the same-” Jongin is very serious.

“Hyung, are they serious?” Mark asks.

“Lucas…” Ten sighs. 

“You are  _ such _ a hypocrite, Jongin-” exclaims Baekhyun.

Everyone is talking over each other, a big confusing mess.

" _ Enough! _ "

Suddenly Taemin's powerful voice reverberates and they fall silent immediately. 

"Everybody be quiet now and do as I say. Sit down in a circle."

They all obey without hesitation. Taemin, who is always soft-spoken, sounds absolutely terrifying. Baekhyun sits down between Jongin and Mark. 

“First of all” starts Taemin and he is the only one still standing. “Ten, how is your leg?”

“It was just a bump” Ten mutters.

“Okay. Lucas, can you bring some ice for Ten’s leg?”

Lucas hesitates. A moment passes and Lucas rushes out. 

When he comes back, Lucas puts the icepack on top of Ten’s ankle.

“Okay. I didn’t want to, but we are doing this the SHINee way.”

“The what?” asks Baekhyun.

“Doing what?” asks Mark and he sounds scared.

“I said  _ silence _ ” states Taemin.

Everyone bows their head down instinctively. They wait there for a couple of minutes until Taemin’s manager arrives with two bags of drinks. 

“Thanks, hyung,” says Taemin.

He puts the bag in the middle of the half-circle that the members formed while sitting down. He delicately starts taking out their drinks from it.

“The SHINee way is the all-in way. Everything on the table” he explains. “We did it when things got hectic for any reason. Pour our feelings out.”

Mark raises his hand. Taemin shoots him a look that means permission to speak.

“What if we don’t have any feelings… about stuff?”

“Oh, you will have feelings” Taemin smiles. “Now grab your drinks, noona brought your favorites.”

They scramble to get them, then back to their places. Baekhyun sips his smoothie, trying to calm down.

Taemin stays seated right there in the middle, where he can look at everyone properly. He smiles.

“So, who wants to start?” he asks.

No one, of course. 

“Well, first, I wanna say that we all have our own separate groups and projects aside from this” Taemin starts. “I know this is new but we are just as important and we have to get along with each other.”

Everyone is silent, thinking it over. Taemin and Jongin are staring at each other, communicating telepathically like they always do.

“I’m gonna lead this by example right now and say that Jongin and I have been together since before we joined SuperM” reveals Taemin.

“What,” say Mark, Taeyong and Lucas.

Ten looks intrigued.

“B-but haven’t Kai-hyung been in other relationships?” asks Mark tentatively.

“I have” answers Jongin. 

“We had a casual relationship for a long time” explains Taemin. “But now we are exclusive.”

“It’s recent” adds Jongin.

Everyone is processing this.

“Baekhyun” Taemin is the one to break the silence one more time. “It’s your turn. Go.”

That doesn’t leave him much of a choice. Baekhyun unfolds his arms, gathering his courage.

“When we went out to that restaurant in London, me and Taeyong, we-” Baekhyun pauses. “We hooked up.”

He sneaks a glance at Taeyong.

“There, I said it. What I want to know is how  _ Lucas  _ knows it” Baekhyun says, pissed.

“It’s my fault,” Ten says suddenly and everyone looks at him with surprise. Ten, on the other hand, is staring at his shoes. “I went to the terrace to take some pics and saw you together.”

“And you told Lucas?” Baekhyun can't believe his luck.

“Hey, hey, hey” Lucas interjects. “So what if he told me? It’s not like you guys were being discreet.”

“Okay, calm down, please” Taemin’s voice does that thing again, making them all shut up. “Do you wanna say something Ten?”

“I-I got upset.”

“What?” Taeyong speaks for the first time and his voice is weak.

“I got upset seeing you two together so I went to the hotel, and Lucas came with me.”

“I remember this, you said you were feeling sick,” says Mark.

“Why were you upset?” Taeyong pleads, he seems worried.

“Are you really gonna make him say it, Taeyong?” Lucas blurts out.

“Lucas” reprimands Taemin.

Ten’s eyes are shining with tears and Baekhyun finally gets it.

“It hurt to see Taeyong-hyung with someone else at the time. Because I used to like him.”

A discrete tear rolls out of Ten’s eye and he wipes it right away. He is holding himself closely and Taeyong is staring at Ten like he is about to cry too. Baekhyun feels like they did something terrible.

“I know what that’s like,” Mark says, and clears his throat. “I’ve been in that situation before.”

“Thanks, Mark,” says Ten. “And that’s why Lucas knows. It’s not his fault, so please don’t fight with him.”

“Do you wanna say something, Lucas?” asks Taemin.

Lucas takes a breath.

“I am angry” he answers. “But I understand they did nothing wrong.”

“Jongin, do you wanna say something?” Taemin is going down the line now, having just skipped Ten.

“I have to be honest, Baekhyun, I didn’t expect this from you, and I’ve known you for a long time” confesses Jongin.

“Way to make me feel shittier” Baekhyun answers.

“Well you made out with your dongsaeng and you have a boyfriend…”

“ _ Had _ , Jongin, I  _ had _ a boyfriend” he snaps. “Jesus fucking Christ. Can this not be about EXO? Or Chanyeol?  _ Please _ .”

Taemin is staring at Jongin, who notices.

“I’m sorry” gives Jongin. “You are right. As long as you are single, you are free to do whatever you want.”

“Thank you.”

“What else do you wanna say, Baekhyun?” asks Taemin.

Baekhyun sighs, head pounding, trying to calm down.

“Well, now I feel like a shit person on top of a shit leader,” he says. “So thanks for making me see my inadequacies.”

“You are not a shit leader, Baekhyun. We are lucky to have you” Taemin says kindly. And the others agree with him.

“Thanks, guys. I’ll try to be better.”

“Mark. Your turn” Taemin keeps going.

“Hm. First, I’m happy for you and Kai-hyung” he starts. “But mostly I’m a little confused that Taeyong didn’t say anything to me about what happened”

He looks at his friend.

“I tell you everything, even the most embarrassing things. And you can tell me everything too, you know. You are my best friend.”

Taeyong has his head low.

“I didn’t know what to make of it” he finally says. “That’s why I didn’t say anything. Then time went by and it got harder.”

They fall silent. 

“Do you wanna say something else, Taeyong?” asks Taemin.

Taeyong rubs his face with his hand.

“That I’m feeling like a dirty mistress.”

“You are not” interjects Baekhyun quickly and that seems to surprise Taeyong.

“That I’m a shitty friend” Taeyong continues.

“You are not,” says Ten, softly. 

Taeyong laughs half-heartedly. That makes Mark laugh. Which makes Ten laughs. And then they are all laughing. When they stop, Taemin gets up.

“Okay now, everyone, group hug,” he says and they obey.

They are feeling lighter, better. Taemin certainly has some magic tricks up his sleeve. They break off and some of them hug each other individually. Mark and Taeyong, Jongin and Baekhyun. Then Jongin and Taemin hug and kiss.

"I'm sorry," says Baekhyun to Ten.

"It's fine, hyung" he smiles.

Then, Baekhyun turns to Taeyong. They hesitate before hugging.

"Can we talk?" he whispers.

Taeyong nods.

After everyone says their goodbyes, Baekhyun and Taeyong look for an empty private room. They find an unoccupied one used for live streams and lock themselves in. Baekhyun sits on the couch, sighing. Taeyong takes the place beside him, even with another chair in the room. At least he doesn't hate him.

"Aren't we lucky," Baekhyun says.

Taeyong laughs.

"I'm sorry for that" he continues. "You're not a dirty mistress, okay?"

Baekhyun takes his hand instinctively, then he regrets it because now it feels different and charged with something else. He ignores it.

"You're single?" Taeyong checks, big curious eyes on him.

"I was and still am" Baekhyun nods.

They stay silent, Taeyong playing with his hand. Baekhyun is looking at it, his heart beating faster. He doesn't know why until he stares at Taeyong, whose half-lidded eyes are fixed on Baekhyun. He's so pretty, it's mesmerizing. Taeyong almost doesn't seem human sometimes. He leans slowly into Baekhyun, who's trapped under his spell. 

So much for a one-night-stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baekhyun is a mess T-T


	12. The rose

Taeyong seals his lips against Baekhyun's. He tastes like strawberries. He is usually so shy, but not shy enough for this. It amazes Baekhyun. Even after practicing for hours, Taeyong still smells faintly of lavender. They part their lips, deepening the kiss, letting go of restraints. Baekhyun's hand wanders to Taeyong's knee.

They move closer. Taeyong slips into his lap, straddling him. Baekhyun wraps his arms around his waist, still not believing this is happening again, but just allowing himself to enjoy it. 

The make out becomes more heated by the minute. Baekhyun nibbles Taeyong, who repays by rutting his hips against him, bodies flushed together. Baekhyun hums at the pressure, wondering where this is headed, when they are in a public place like this, even if it's night and the door is locked.

Like a mind reader, Taeyong stops and pulls back, lips plush and pupils blown. Baekhyun strokes his cheek.

"We should go home," says Baekhyun, trying to be level-headed. "It's late."

Taeyong nods and Baekhyun pulls him for one last kiss.

It happens a couple more times, sneaking around together to kiss like two teens. The thing about Taeyong is that it feels good to have someone that clearly likes Baekhyun giving him attention. He can’t deny that Taeyong is handsome and attractive, even if he is not exactly his “type”. And for the first in a long while, everything just seems uncomplicated. He doesn’t really want to think about the consequences. For the time being, he’ll enjoy Taeyong’s affections and whatever that may imply.

But Baekhyun wants more, and by the way Taeyong looks and kisses and touches him, he wants more too. 

On the night of their Beyond Live concert, the group is invited to dinner by Mr. Lee Soo-man. With an open tab, it’s all drinks and a lot of fun. They end up on the terrace taking pictures together and after that, Baekhyun pulls Taeyong aside.

Baekhyun looks at him and smiles. Taeyong, cute with his pink hair, smiles back. Baekhyun motions with his finger for him to get closer.

“I gotta ask you something.”

Taeyong takes a step near and Baekhyun leans his lips to his ear.

“How drunk are you?” he whispers.

“Not too drunk” Taeyong answers. “Why?”

“Do you want to get a hotel room?”

Baekhyun hopes he didn’t misread everything so far. But Taeyong kisses his cheek, lips soft. 

"Let's get out of here."

Baekhyun pulls back just enough to look at his eyes before giving him a peck on the lips. They leave together in Baekhyun's car. He drives them to a hotel and they get a room. Unlike all the other times they got together, now Baekhyun prepared for it, bringing lube, condoms, a couple of facemasks, and two hoodies so they can be incognito.

They drop everything and when Baekhyun is about to ask Taeyong if he wants to take a shower with him, arms wrap around his neck, and lips mold onto his. Taeyong is hungry, that much is clear. And that makes something awaken in Baekhyun too. Their clothes fall on the floor with no care. When they're completely naked, Baekhyun turns Taeyong around, pinning his wrists against the wall. He takes the bottle of lube and coats his fingers.

Kissing Taeyong's back, he reaches for his ass and Taeyong spreads his legs a bit. Baekhyun massages his rim until he feels him relaxing, then drives a finger in. Taeyong gives a little mewl. He starts prepping him slowly, much like he enjoys it, pulling lewd noises out of Taeyong. Baekhyun rubs his prostate and Taeyong moans.

"You like that?" he asks in his ear. 

Taeyong nods, breathing hard. Baekhyun realizes he likes being in control, something he isn't used to. When the stretch is enough, Baekhyun rolls on a condom quickly and douses it with lube. He lines up.

"Ready?" he checks.

"Yeah" Taeyong exhales. "Don't stop."

Taeyong throws back his hips. Baekhyun bites his bottom lip and starts sinking into him, hands clutching his waist. When he bottoms out, they take a deep breath. 

Baekhyun starts fucking him slowly, kissing his shoulder and back, increasing the speed little by little. He isn't the most experienced top, but he's been fucked enough to know what's good. Baekhyun snatches Taeyong's pink hair, pulling it firmly, making him gasp. He moves Taeyong's hips with his other hand, adjusting their position, looking for his prostate to rail into. Taeyong lets out a long wail, so Baekhyun keeps going. He sinks his teeth into his skin. The heat coiling in his gut keeps building up, threatening to spill his orgasm at any moment. So he wraps his hand around Taeyong's cock and starts pumping, the other arm around his small waist. Taeyong cums with a drawn-out moan and Baekhyun follows him into the high. 

They are both breathy, sweat-covered messes. Baekhyun pulls out and kisses Taeyong's back before going to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and wash the cum off his hand. When he comes back out, Taeyong is in his underwear, drinking from a bottle of water. He silently offers a sip and Baekhyun takes it. Both sit on the bed.

"Feeling good?" Baekhyun asks, giving back the bottle.

"Yeah. That was fun" Taeyong whispers a bit shyly and Baekhyun finds him cute.

"Let me know when you wanna go home and I'll drive you."

"And miss round two?" he smiles.

Baekhyun laughs.

They have round two. And three and four, before taking a shower and driving back to the NCT dorms at five AM. Taeyong says goodbye with a content face and Baekhyun leaves happily towards his home.

With Beyond Live behind them, that closes SuperM activities for a while, meaning they wouldn't get any excuses to see each other. Taeyong is also practicing for the NCT 127 concert and preparing his repackaged album, while Baekhyun has less than a month until his own mini-album is out. He doesn't know how this part works exactly. He doesn't know what they are or how he is supposed to act. He just knows he enjoys it and maybe not overthinking it is probably the best idea because if Baekhyun knows anything is that he's bad at thinking about relationship things. Maybe he's just bad at relationships.

They send each other a couple of casual texts but that's it.

Baekhyun is shooting his MV when suddenly he's called to his dressing room.

"What happened?" he asks his manager.

"You need a makeup touch up."

Clueless as to why he needs to go back there for it, Baekhyun hurries his step. He opens the door to find a tall figure's back that doesn't belong to the makeup artist.

"Hi?"

"Hello there," Chanyeol turns around with a big smile on his face.

Baekhyun's hand flies to his chest. 

"I should have known it was you" he laughs.

Chanyeol closes the distance and hugs him.

"And I brought a strawberry smoothie because I know you're starving yourself."

Baekhyun whines, face buried in his chest.

"Thank you."

"Everyone is taking a break. Let's sit and have a drink."

They get comfortable on the couch and Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun's legs on top of his.

"You're looking good in this blue ensemble" he charms him.

Baekhyun arches his brow, slurping his smoothie quickly.

"Such a flatterer. Thank you very much."

"I mean it," Chanyeol insists. "I bet the MV will look amazing."

"I hope so."

"You don't sound so sure," he says. "Are you okay?"

Baekhyun pinches the bridge of his nose, putting his empty cup aside.

"What's wrong?" Chanyeol asks, worried.

"I'm just tired" vents Baekhyun. "Hungry. Stressed."

"Come here" Chanyeol wraps his arms around him and kisses his temple.

His embrace always does things to Baekhyun. Now, it comforts and calms him. He rests his head against Chanyeol's shoulder and looks at him.

"Thanks for coming, Loey."

"You know I'll always be here for you," says Chanyeol softly, like it's obvious.

And Baekhyun knows that. Chanyeol has been his best friend for the longest time, regardless of their relationship status. Which only made things crazier, probably, but maybe it's also what makes their bond so strong.

Now, looking into his dark eyes, Baekhyun only wants one thing.

He grabs him by the collar and pulls him close, sealing their lips. And all his worries disappear, the skipped meals, the eighteen-hour workdays, the sleepless nights. Chanyeol cups his cheek. They kiss tenderly, not taking the touch too far. Then, they stop, resting foreheads against each other.

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something when there's a knock on the door.

"Break's over, Baekhyun" calls his manager.

They disentangle themselves and get up. Before they leave, Chanyeol hugs him.

"I'll text you," he says and deposits a chaste kiss on his lips.

They go back to the set.

And Chanyeol does text him, asking to come over. Baekhyun thinks he probably just wants sex. So when Chanyeol arrives, Baekhyun is soft and out of the shower, smelling of almond lotion, wearing only his bathrobe. He can see his pupils blowing up as Chanyeol takes this in. They sit on the couch.

"Baekhyun, we should talk."

Talk?

"About?"

"I ended things with Joy."

Baekhyun feels his stomach fall.

"W-what?"

Chanyeol takes his hand.

"What have we been doing? Somehow we ended up on that grey line I never wanted us to be."

Baekhyun is wide-eyed, processing what he hears.

"I don't wanna keep just fucking you like it doesn't mean anything" Chanyeol continues. 

Baekhyun bites his bottom lip, a lot of different feelings bubbling inside him.

"It still means something to me," he says. "Does it mean something to you?"

How could Baekhyun lie under that pair of eyes?

He nods.

Chanyeol gives him a warm smile, pulling him close. But before they can do anything else, Baekhyun's tongue unties.

"Wait. You said you ended things with Joy?"

"I did. Because I don't wanna start this the wrong way again. We need a clean slate."

"I agree, which means…" Baekhyun sighs. "I should probably talk to Taeyong."

The disappointment in Chanyeol's eyes is obvious, which is what Baekhyun didn't wanna see. But it would be unfair to hide after he was so candid about what he wanted.

"You two are still a thing?"

"It happened a couple more times, yeah…" Baekhyun gulps at his hurt face.

He knows he did nothing wrong, but Baekhyun still feels bad. So he just throws his arms around Chanyeol and they stay like that, in silence.

When Baekhyun wakes up, Chanyeol is putting him under the covers. He kisses his forehead.

"Don't leave" Baekhyun whispers. "Please. We don't have to do anything."

"Okay," Chanyeol nods. 

He strips down to his underwear and cuddles Baekhyun. They are asleep soon. 

The next morning, they part ways, each to their busy schedules. Baekhyun promises he'll speak to Taeyong and reach out after that, to let Chanyeol know.

But talking to Taeyong is not so easy. NCT 127 is about to drop its repackaged album and he's constantly busy. Baekhyun could do it over the phone but he thinks that would be too rude, considering everything they've been through and the fact that they are still SuperM bandmates. 

_ TY: I have a couple of hours free tonight. we can meet at SM? _

_ BH: ok. see you then. _

Baekhyun buys Taeyong a strawberry smoothie. Something to sweeten the situation.

They are sitting in one of the private live stream rooms.

“What’s so important that you needed to say in person?” Taeyong asks, perceptive enough.

“So, we’ve been… hanging out, right?” Baekhyun starts.

“Yes…” Taeyong smiles.

“And I like it, a lot, but” he keeps going, looking down to his hands. “I have to stop.”

“Oh.”

“It’s just that I’m getting back together with Chanyeol, I mean, we’re trying-”

“Hyung, it’s fine” Taeyong reaches for his hand. “You don’t have to explain yourself. It was fun while it lasted.”

Baekhyun stares at Taeyong. He looks okay and it takes a weight off his chest.

“So we’re good?”

“Yeah” he nods. “It's best to keep it casual… It’s not like our work allows much more.”

“You’re right, I guess.”

If there is something Baekhyun knows about, is how their work could consume their entire lives and get in between two people. But for better or worse, that’s the path they chose.

“Friends?” Taeyong asks.

“Friends.”

Later, Baekhyun gets inside his covers, filled with different feelings. He really liked hooking up with Taeyong. Maybe, in another situation, they could keep seeing each other, and who knows where that might lead. But now Chanyeol wants a clean slate, after threading unsteady waters for years, coming and going, together but apart. And Baekhyun couldn’t deny that he wanted that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chanyeol is not 100% dickhead! skashalkjshlajks he's been thinking about this for a while too, it just took him time to gather the courage to open up to baekhyun :P
> 
> let's see what happens next!


	13. The cactus

Baekhyun and Chanyeol decide to do things differently from their usual mess: they take things slow. Currently, they don’t really have much time to see each other, with EXO-SC preparing their album and Candy promotions about to start. Baekhyun doesn’t really have time to think about much else besides work anyway.

“You look good here,” says Chanyeol, going through the previews of the pictures of his booklet.

“Thanks” Baekhyun answers from the kitchen.

He’s drinking water, thinking about all the things he has to do this week.

“You could use some more plants here,” says Chanyeol randomly.

Baekhyun is looking into the distance, unphased.

“Baekhyun?”

He snaps out of his reverie.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“Come here” Chanyeol calls him.

Baekhyun sits beside him. Chanyeol cups his face.

“Are you okay?” he says.

Baekhyun sighs and closes his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t get my mind off work…”

“Baby.”

Chanyeol pulls him on his lap.

“Hyunnie” he whispers sweetly. “Relax.”

Baekhyun buries his cheek into his chest, clutching his shirt. Chanyeol kisses the top of his head. He’s so drained and tired, emotionally and physically.

“Did you have anything besides a protein smoothie today?”

Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I-I have to stay lean for the comeback…”

“Baekhyun, there’s a limit to dieting,” Chanyeol says gently, but it’s still a reprimand. 

He pouts. Chanyeol kisses him.

“Let me make you something quick and then we can turn in early. What food do you have around?”

“Cereal.”

“Cereal it is then” he gets up and laughs. “But you should order some groceries.”

“I just haven’t been at home much,” Baekhyun justifies himself, spreading his body on the couch lazily. “Or at all. Only sleeping. Barely.”

Chanyeol sighs loudly. Baekhyun smiles. Soon he’s back with two bowls of cereal. They eat and get ready for bed.

For some reason, they haven’t had sex yet. And Baekhyun imagines Chanyeol’s reason is the same as his: scared of intimacy, scared of their old patterns, scared to get hurt. They haven’t really talked about it either, although they probably should. Chanyeol keeps his kisses and touches chaste, while they wait for something to change, maybe a guarantee that they’re safe now.

They meet one night in the studio, with Sehun, Jongin and Taemin, to listen to some of the subunit’s songs. Jongin finally reveals that he and Taemin are dating, but Baekhyun already knew that from their SuperM group therapy session, a month ago. He’s happy for them anyway. But he’s also on edge, scared that Jongin will bring Taeyong up somehow, and the last thing he wants is to upset Chanyeol now that things are calm.

He ends up following Jongin into the restroom to beg him not to bring it up. Jongin promises he won’t. But nothing calms Baekhyun’s mind.

At night, Baekhyun has a nightmare. He’s kissing Chanyeol and suddenly his hair turns from blond to pink. Then he finally turns into Taeyong under his hands, and Baekhyun wakes up with a startle in the early morning before the sun has come up. He can’t go back to sleep.

He starts to feel like he’s spiraling out of control, underslept, underfed, and overworked. But there isn’t much choice, that’s how comebacks are, and the higher-ups want to make sure everything is perfect on this mini-album. He is supposed to be used to this after all the years, but for some reason, Baekhyun thinks he’s about to fall apart.

After a long day, he pulls into Chanyeol’s extra parking spot because they talked about meeting for dinner at Chanyeol’s apartment. Baekhyun is rubbing the sleep off of his eyes, hearing his stomach protest after only having a protein shake all day. Maybe he could cheat tonight and have something other than a sweet potato. Baekhyun usually just lets himself in, because he knows the code to the lock.

“Channie!” he calls, taking off his shoes. “I’m hungry tonight. I’m thinking-”

He stops as he sees Chanyeol standing in the living room, with a guest sitting on the chair. When she turns around, Baekhyun realizes it’s Joy. And she’s been crying, face red and puffy.

“Hey, Baekhyun,” says Chanyeol coldly.

“H-hey.”

“Joy needed to talk, so she stopped by,” he explains.

“I’m gonna go into your room, Chanyeol,” she says, getting up. “Bye, Baekhyun-oppa.”

Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol after she disappears. 

“What the fuck?” he whispers.

Chanyeol pulls him back to the door.

“She just showed up and started crying,” Chanyeol explains. “Turns out she didn’t take it so well when I broke things off.”

“Why?”

“Because it was out of nowhere for her,” he says. “She doesn’t understand the excuses I gave her. Because I obviously didn’t tell her, ‘hey, I’m back with my ex-boyfriend’. Now I’m stuck explaining to her the unexplainable.”

“Well, tell her to go.”

“I can’t do that.”

“What do you mean you can't? Just tell her to go cry to Yeri or something.”

“Baekhyun, don’t be so tactless.”

“Tactless? She’s a grown woman.”

“She’s twenty-three.”

“Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you stuck your dick in her.”

Chanyeol pauses. Baekhyun realizes it wasn’t nice, but the filter between the idiot part of his brain and his mouth is burning out. 

“What should I tell her? ‘Joy, my boyfriend just came over’? She at least deserves a shoulder to cry on.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“Are you seriously gonna kick me out for the girl you’ve been fucking for the last year?”

“It’s not like that, Baekhyun…”

“It is, though. Because she told me she’s staying, she’s in your fucking room for fuck’s sake.”

Chanyeol sighs.

“You know what, fuck this” Baekhyun starts putting his shoes on. “Fuck all of this.”

“Just calm down, please, I'll deal with this…”

Baekhyun ignores him and walks out of the apartment, calling the elevator.

“Stop” Chanyeol runs after him. “Don't do this.”

“You’re the one doing it” Baekhyun refuses to look at him.

The elevator doors open up, but before Baekhyun can get inside, Chanyeol grabs his arm. Chanyeol is stronger than Baekhyun, but because of the size of his rage, he manages to shove Chanyeol away, who looks at him utterly shocked. 

“Fuck you. Don’t touch me” says Baekhyun, getting in the elevator. “Don’t call me”

The doors close. Baekhyun is shaking, pressing his lips, digging his nails into his palms painfully. He’s so angry, he doesn’t remember ever feeling this angry before. He can barely breathe. At the parking lot, he marches towards his car. He steps on the pedal and on his way out of there he thinks he hears the sound of someone calling his name. He drives home in a blind rage, which is probably a reckless thing to do, but he’s not thinking straight.

When he gets to his apartment, Baekhyun just throws himself on the bed and finally gives in, the flood of emotions drowning him entirely, sobbing against his pillow.

He can’t tell when reality becomes a dream.

He falls into a deep dark pit and the ground is pure black tar. The more he moves, the more it sticks to him, and soon he can’t get away.

Baekhyun wakes up in the middle of the night, shirt completely damp. He hops in the shower, feeling hungover. After, he pads to the kitchen in search of anything solid to eat. There are eggs, so he decides to boil some. Then, he sits in front of the tv and eats them, putting on a random channel. He’s watching but not watching a movie. It’s familiar somehow.

Suddenly he realizes, looking at the actors. It’s the movie that was playing in the background the first time he and Chanyeol kissed.

His eyes fill with tears, he can’t help it. There are so many parts of him that hurt, that he doesn't know how to start unpacking it. He curls up in a ball, wishing he could disappear into dust and put himself together again, but without any trace of Chanyeol in him. He wishes he could stay the entire week in bed, order delicious food, play video games, pretend the world outside doesn’t exist. But he can’t do any of that.

A couple of days later, his album and his MV drop with a lot of buzz. That takes his mind off Chanyeol, who texted him a couple of times and was promptly ignored. But what he’s really excited about is performing on shows, maybe snatching a couple of wins, and that is next week.

His phone starts ringing in the living room and he rushes to get it. It’s his manager.

"What's up?”

_ “Hey, I talked to Taeyong’s manager. He was wondering if you could help him quickly with the Candy choreography so he and Mark can do the challenge.” _

That catches him off guard.

“S-sure” he answers.

How can he say no? And what would his excuse be? I used to fuck him so now I don’t really know how to act around him and need more time to deal with my confusion?

_ “Perfect. You can meet him tomorrow at SM.” _

“OK, thanks. Bye.”

_ “Goodnight.” _

Baekhyun sighs.

He is trembling the next day on his way to meet Taeyong. He even skips his morning americano, scared the caffeine will make it worse. When he arrives at the practice room, Taeyong is already dancing in front of the mirror, wearing a bucket hat, a loose pair of black pants with pink print, and a black t-shirt with a weird face in it.

“Hey” Baekhyun waves.

Taeyong turns around.

“Hi, hyung” he opens a bright smile.

That somehow doesn’t make Baekhyun less nervous.

“Your hair…?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s blue” says Taeyong, taking off the hat and running a hand through it.

“Blue really suits you,” Baekhyun says honestly, dropping his bag.

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Well, I heard you already know some parts of the choreo?” he gets straight to the point. 

“I learned it, but it’s mirrored” Taeyong explains.

“Oh, okay,” Baekhyun says. “Let’s get to it.”

Taeyong picks it up quickly. It’s painless and Baekhyun finally relaxes around him.

“Good luck on Music Bank tonight” Baekhyun wishes as they say goodbye.

“Thanks,” Taeyong says and leaves.

Baekhyun exhales. Well, that is resolved.

Roughly a week later, he meets NCT 127 at Music Bank, where it’s his turn to perform. He gets Starbucks orders for his hoobaes and after Candy gets its second win, they get on stage to dance with him. When they are leaving, Taeyong shakes his hand and bows.

Two days later, it’s Inkigayo time. His EXO members are supposed to come and support him there that day, but Baekhyun doesn’t know if Chanyeol is actually still coming. So when he shows up along with Jongin, Sehun, and Jongdae, with a beautiful bouquet of pink roses and a cactus, Baekhyun is taken aback. 

"Thanks for coming," he says politely.

Because they are always friends first, even if Baekhyun shoved him and drove out of his building in a rage over a week ago.

"You know I'll always be here for you," says Chanyeol and the words hang heavy on Baekhyun’s heart.

Sometimes he wishes he could just remove Chanyeol out of his life completely. But that’s impossible. They are bound together. 

“They’re beautiful. And this too.”

He eyes the cactus curiously.

“Let’s get a picture, come on” Chanyeol gives his phone to Jongin.

They sit down and pose. He sends the picture to Baekhyun even if he doesn't ask. Baekhyun analyses the image of the two together. They look cute.

“Baekhyun, they are calling you on stage,” says his manager.

“Gotta go,” he says. He’s relieved.

“Have fun!” says Sehun.

“See you guys after!” 

During the encore, his EXO members join him on stage with his dancers. 

At home, Baekhyun puts his roses in a vase. He smells and admires them for a while curiously. They are probably an apology of sorts. But Baekhyun doesn’t want to think about that. He’s happy with his wins so far. He decides to give himself a much-deserved break and sits at his PC, launching League of Legends. He sees Taeyong is online and doesn’t think much before sending him a message, inviting him for some games. 


	14. The blue

Baekhyun has a lot of fun with Taeyong. And a couple of days later he sees him at a SuperM meeting to go over their comeback schedule and activities. They are going to do so many things this time around, Baekhyun can barely wait. All the excitement is sure to provide the distraction he's been craving.

Except, Chanyeol doesn't seem to want him to forget about them. He invites Baekhyun over to the studio with the pretext of listening to their full album that's about to drop in the next few days. Jongin is also there, but Baekhyun still gets the feeling that Chanyeol is resolute in not letting him go, even if he doesn't make a move or say anything unusual.

They're all drinking except for Baekhyun, who wants to stay with his head clear. They're also all having fun except for Baekhyun, who just smiles and laughs along unknowingly. After an adequate amount of time, Baekhyun declares he must leave because of his made-up appointment the next day and manages to escape.

Thirsty and tired, he moves to the nearest break room. Getting there he sees someone shake the drink machine a bit and he recognizes their back easily. 

“Did it eat your money?” Baekhyun asks Taeyong, who startles and turns around.

Baekhyun smiles at him.

“You scared me,” Taeyong says.

“I see that. Do you need help?” he approaches.

“It won’t give me my Coke” complains Taeyong, facing the machine again. 

“That happens sometimes,” says Baekhyun, taking out a won bill from his wallet. “Let me try.”

Baekhyun stands right behind him, chest brushing against Taeyong’s shoulder, as he works on getting them drinks. He realizes after he does it that he can smell Taeyong’s lavender scent in this proximity and that maybe it’s a bit too close for them. But he’s too embarrassed to move away now. He takes two cans and gives one to Taeyong.

“Thanks, hyung. You didn’t have to” he says sweetly. 

“No problem” Baekhyun smiles, sitting down on the couch. “Late night session?”

“Yeah, just working on a song. What about you?” Taeyong sits somewhat far from him.

“I just passed by to see Jongin and my other EXO members,” he says casually. “They are about to drop their album.”

“I heard” Taeyong takes a sip from his drink. “I’m sure you are glad for them.”

“I bet it will turn out great” he answers. “Were you on your way out?”

Taeyong nods. “I just needed something to drink.”

“Good thing I popped by then, otherwise you’d have stayed thirsty” grins Baekhyun.

“I would have,” says Taeyong. A moment passes. “So how is everything? Between you two?”

Baekhyun’s stomach flips with nervousness. Out of everyone, Taeyong asking him this is such an irony. Because he stopped seeing Taeyong for Chanyeol and it didn’t take long for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to break things off again.

“Me and Chanyeol?” Baekhyun is playing with the tab on his soda can. He sighs. Then lets out a joyless laugh.

“You don’t have to answer, hyung,” says Taeyong, somber.

“We’re on good terms” he answers before Taeyong can say anything else. “We’ll always be friends and bandmates first. At least that’s what we strive for. But we are not together right now.”

Baekhyun turns to stare at Taeyong, serious. Taeyong is looking right back at him.

“You seeing anyone?” Baekhyun asks, finally breaking the silence, playing with the tab again, unable to stave off his curiosity, knowing that he probably shouldn’t.

Taeyong clears his throat, “No.”

“Really? I thought you and Ten… After everything that happened, might… you know” he keeps talking to fill the silence, to give himself time to think and process what he’s going through right now. 

“No, nothing happened between us,” tells Taeyong, shaking his head. “He had already moved on when I found out anyway.”

Baekhyun tries not to sigh with relief as he fiddles with the tab until he tears it free, “I see.”

They fall into a weird silence and it’s like the air around them is filled with static. Each one is avoiding the other’s eyes, fidgeting around. Baekhyun knows where they arrived and knows he should put a stop to this. He’s the older one, the responsible one.

“It’s late” Baekhyun is the one to break the silence again. “I should head home.”

Baekhyun gets up and tosses his empty soda can in the trash. Taeyong does the same and stretches. Turning around to say goodbye, Taeyong offers his hand, but Baekhyun opens his arms, inviting him for a hug. One hug won’t do any harm, right? Taeyong accepts it. Hugging Taeyong feels good. After a while, they part and Baekhyun smiles before turning around and leaving.

He makes it down the hall before he stops. He moves to go back, then out again, running in circles like an idiot. What is he doing? Deciding to throw caution, rationale and logic out the window, Baekhyun makes his way back to the break room.

“Hey.”

Taeyong gets up, clearly surprised. Baekhyun steps close to him, close enough to make himself understood. He takes Taeyong’s hand and their foreheads touch. Their noses brush and Baekhyun grabs Taeyong by the neck, thumb grazing his jawline.

“We probably shouldn’t do this,” he whispers.

“Probably” Taeyong agrees.

But they both want it.

Baekhyun joins their lips and he realizes how much he missed this. And Taeyong welcomes him, surrendering to the touch, pulling him by the waist. Taeyong’s hat falls off his head somehow. The kiss deepens fast and things get heated, while they forget where they are. 

A loud noise coming from the corridor scares them and they jump apart. Taeyong grabs his hat and Baekhyun clears his throat, "Come to my place."

He does it on an impulse, but it’s what he wants. Taeyong's eyes widen and Baekhyun gets ready for rejection. But Taeyong nods. Without another word, they head out into the chilly night. Baekhyun drives them to his apartment and it doesn’t take long to get there.

They walk into the living room, but before Baekhyun can turn on the lights, Taeyong pulls him close into a hug. Baekhyun wraps his arms around him and Taeyong sinks into the long due embrace. Baekhyun sighs and runs his fingers through Taeyong’s lower back lightly. He kisses his cheek. For a while, they just stay that way. Then Baekhyun pulls back a bit and finally joins their lips one more time.

They spend the night together and Baekhyun asks him to sleep over. The next day, he doesn’t want things to end, so he invites Taeyong to spend the day with him. He stays until he’s needed back in the 127 dorm, something about a fight he needs to mediate.

After, even with a schedule, he ends up inviting Taeyong to his house again. They drink some soju and end up in a hot make out that leads to the bedroom. After a nice bath, Baekhyun spoons Taeyong, feeling satisfied and happy.

"I'm gonna say something but don't think I'm crazy, okay?" Baekhyun starts impulsively.

Taeyong turns around to face him, "Okay."

"I didn't think we'd ever be like… this again."

Baekhyun is propped up on his arm, staring down at an obviously confused Taeyong.

"What do you mean?"

"Back in May when I told you I was getting back together with Chanyeol," he explains. "I didn’t think he and I would ever do that. Honestly, I was enjoying hanging out with you."

Taeyong's body gets stiff and Baekhyun wonders if talking about this was a good idea. 

"But because he broke up with the person he was seeing at the time and wanted a clean slate" Baekhyun continues. "I followed along."

Taeyong's eyes are wide.

"Now I don’t know if my heart was completely in it" confesses Baekhyun, taking Taeyong's hand. “And all this time, we could’ve…”

Baekhyun stops, unable to continue.

"Hyung, I..."

"I'm sorry, I sound stupid" Baekhyun hides his face on the pillow.

"Thank you for being honest," says Taeyong.

Baekhyun peeks at him.

"I’m sorry that happened,” Taeyong adds. “Back then, I-I also enjoyed it. But I can’t lie, I felt guilty when the group found out and Kai reacted the way he did. It seemed like you were cheating on Chanyeol.”

“I wasn’t” Baekhyun cups Taeyong face. “Jongin had no idea what he was talking about, he’s an idiot.”

Taeyong puts his hand over Baekhyun’s and closes his eyes. Baekhyun kisses him softly and runs fingers through his hair. 

They fall asleep in a hug, Taeyong’s face burrowing under Baekhyun’s chin.

The truth is there are thoughts that Baekhyun started having since breaking up with Chanyeol again.

That it’s the last time.

That Taeyong is the one he’s supposed to be with, somehow. That whatever infatuation led Taeyong to seek him in a purely casual way, opened the door to something more.

So the two of them keep meeting whenever they can and Baekhyun makes sure it’s almost daily. Taeyong becomes covered in marks and lovebites as a statement of the nature of their activities. They are happy in their small little bubble.

But bubbles don’t last long and Baekhyun should’ve predicted this.

They are supposed to have dinner at SM, but Baekhyun finds out Chanyeol and Sehun are also somewhere in the building. So he decides to text Taeyong to meet him at the parking lot. He wants to avoid running into his ex at all costs. Feeling his nerves race his heart, Baekhyun gets in the elevator as he’s done with his schedule, going down to the parking lot.

The doors open, Baekhyun walks out and sees a vision from hell.

Sehun, Chanyeol, and Taeyong standing in front of each other.

Because of course,  _ this  _ is what happens in his life.

But before Baekhyun falls apart, he collects himself and goes to stand beside Taeyong.

Chanyeol laughs bleakly, “Of course.”

“Hyung, no” whispers Sehun, already worried.

“Good evening” Baekhyun manages to say with a firm voice. “What’s up, guys?”

Chanyeol’s eyes are something Baekhyun’s never seen. They are so piercing and fired up it’s actually scary, like this is X-EXO Chanyeol and not a regular person. Still, he keeps his voice humorous along with the bitterness.

“What a fortunate encounter” he mocks. “I should have guessed you’d be back to your devoted dongsaeng.”

That’s enough to tip Baekhyun over. He sighs.

“Okay, I tried to be polite. Taeyong, let’s go” he says and takes his hand, pulling him towards the car.

“Sure, run away, that’s what you do best” he can hear Chanyeol say behind them, and that gives him flashbacks to the time he ran away in a rage from his apartment.

He turns to Taeyong, hoping he’ll understand somehow.

“Sorry. I’ll be right back” he whispers.

He turns around and strides back towards Chanyeol, snatching his arm forcefully and dragging him into the elevator. He smacks the button that will lead them to the terrace and lets Chanyeol go.

“Talk,” he says. “Just say it.”

Chanyeol holds his stare in silence for a moment.

“I can’t fucking believe you” he starts. “How long did it take for you to get back in bed with him? It hasn’t been a month since we fought…”

“Why does time matter anyway?” Baekhyun gives his back to him, running his hand over his face.

“Did you even want to get together in the first place?” Chanyeol asks and his voice is clearly hurt.

“Of course I did!” insists Baekhyun. 

“But?”

“But I was going crazy!” exclaims Baekhyun.

The elevator stops and opens the door. Two people get in. Baekhyun keeps his head down while they continue going up until the others drop off and they are alone again.

“Going crazy?” asks Chanyeol. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to upset you with anything, with what I did with Taeyong,” he says. “It just felt too overwhelming, like I couldn’t make any mistakes.”

They reach the terrace and Baekhyun gets out, desperate to breathe fresh air. He starts walking and Chanyeol follows. He reaches the ledge and leans on it, his heart beating a million miles an hour. Chanyeol puts a hand on his shoulder and back, giving him some support.

“And then when I got to your place and Joy was there” continues Baekhyun. “And you didn’t send her away, I just felt so betrayed and fooled because there I was trying my hardest to bend over backwards for you, and you didn’t even care…”

Baekhyun hides his face in his hands, tears burning in the back of his eyes.

“Baby, I never asked you to bend over backwards for me,” says Chanyeol softly. “That’s not how it works.”

“And how does it work? Certainly not you picking your ex over me when I needed you” bursts out Baekhyun, getting away from him and his sweet words. That’s not what he wants right now. 

“Is that what you want, Baekhyun? To whistleblow our relationship?” asks Chanyeol. “Do you want me to scream at the top of my lungs that we are together? Because I will. I’ll do it for you. To hell with everything. HEY EVERYONE, ME AND BAEK-”

Baekhyun jumps over to cover his mouth with two hands, sealing his lips shut, their bodies flush against each other as Baekhyun presses Chanyeol against the ledge. There is a glint in both their eyes as they stare at each other, and think back to their first kiss, in the living of their dorm, when Chanyeol wouldn’t stop laughing late at night. Baekhyun loosens his hands, but Chanyeol wraps his arms around him, chasing the heat of the touch. He kisses Baekhyun’s hands, who shivers and pulls them away, shutting his eyes. Chanyeol takes his lips to Baekhyun’s temple and leaves them there.

And it’s the way Baekhyun knows he has to stop this but doesn’t want to that hurts the most.

“Baekhyun-”

“I can’t do this, Channie” he shakes his head. “Don’t make me do this, please.”

Baekhyun realizes his face is already wet with tears. He wiggles himself free of Chanyeol’s arms.

“Taeyong is waiting for me.”

He doesn’t look at him as he leaves, wiping his face, starting to run to the elevator which thankfully is still waiting there. Running away from Chanyeol is so hard, even now. It’s almost impossible to resist him, it’s unfair. Baekhyun clicks the parking lot button, trying to get himself together. He doesn’t know what he’ll find there, so he readies his racing heart. He doesn’t even know what he feels if he’s being honest with himself. 

Baekhyun leaps out, looking for Taeyong, but the parking lot is empty. He grabs his phone and calls, again and again, but nothing. That’s it.

He lost him.

He gets in his car and drives away. He holds his sobs in, trying not to cause an accident, but a couple of tears slip inevitably. 

When Baekhyun gets home, it inevitably reminds him of Taeyong, because of the recent memories they’ve made there. But also, in the corner of the living room, there is the little cactus plant Chanyeol gave him, the one that never left. It is tiny and thorny and didn’t need a lot of water, so he neglected it sometimes and forgot about it. But it is still alive. And still has a space in Baekhyun’s home.


	15. The scarlet flames

Baekhyun does the decent thing the next day and waits for Taeyong to call him.

“Hey.”

_ “Hi.” _

“Taeyong, I’m so sorry,” he says, feeling stupid because he deserves much more.

_ “Don’t need to say sorry. You did what you had to do.”  _

“Can we talk?”

_ “I thought you weren’t together anymore”  _ he goes right for the head. __

“We are not.”

_ “But you aren’t over either.” _

Checkmate. Taeyong is more perceptive than Baekhyun, being able to see something he missed again.

_ “Baekhyun, I like you a lot. But this is too much for me to handle” _ says Taeyong.  _ “I think I need some space.” _

He takes a while to respond. “Yeah. I’ll... respect your needs.”

_ “Okay. I’m gonna go.” _

“I’m sorry again.”

Taeyong cuts the call and it's done. They won’t see or talk until their SuperM schedule starts and that is still a while away. Baekhyun, who was just getting home, drops his things on the counter and goes into his bathroom to take a shower. He just wants to sleep and forget the last couple of days, no, the last couple of months happened.

Baekhyun goes on with his days, work filling almost everything until he receives an unexpected visit.

“Sehun?”

“Hey, hyung. Can I come in?” he asks gently.

“Of course,” says Baekhyun, a bit stunned.

They walk into the living room and Sehun sits on the couch.

“How have you been?” the maknae asks.

Baekhyun holds his arm, mopey. 

“Moving on, I guess” he shrugs.

Sehun exhales and smiles.

“What have you two done again, hyung?”

“I don’t kn-”

“Why do you keep running away from each other? Into someone else’s arms? Now Taeyong was caught up in your mess and for what?” says Sehun calmly. “He was devastated when you left.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes in pain. All of that is exactly what he doesn’t want to hear. But probably what he deserves.

“I hope you’re not thinking of chasing after him.”

“I’m not! I won’t… He deserves better” gulps Baekhyun.

Sehun gets up and close to Baekhyun. He hugs him. Baekhyun just stands still for a moment, then he wraps his arms around Sehun.

“Can I say something, hyung?” he says. 

“Okay” Baekhyun looks at him.

“Stop running.”

After that, Sehun leaves Baekhyun alone with his thoughts. He soaks in his bathtub for a while and goes over his talk with the maknae.

He knows he fucked up this time.

Dragging Taeyong into his mess of a life one more time, only to disappoint him, someone that deserves nothing but happiness. 

Baekhyun shuts his eyes. 

Taeyong’s words kept running in his head again, saying it was too much for him to handle and that he needed space.

Space.

Baekhyun sighs, rubbing his face, frustrated. 

Being with Taeyong was like floating on still blue waters. And for a while all Baekhyun wanted to do was dive deep into it.

But then, there is Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is like scarlet flames. They burn bright and warm whenever they come close, but they also can hurt the most. For the longest time, Baekhyun just couldn't let him go. Even the times they dated other people, even as they fought and as they laid with someone else, there is always that tether between them, unbreakable. They tried cutting it off so many times, hurting each other beyond repair, only for it to mend itself and pull them into one another’s arms again.

Like Taeyong said, it wasn’t over.

It’s never over with Chanyeol.

And Baekhyun sometimes hates himself and Chanyeol for it.

His doorbell rings. It’s late and he startles. He’s still in his robes, wet hair fresh out of the shower. The doorbell rings again and keeps ringing until he gets on his feet.

“I’m coming” he screams.

He looks through the peephole.

It’s none other than Chanyeol. 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and opens the door. 

Chanyeol is leaning against the door frame, towering over him as always, something in his hand.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?” asks Baekhyun.

“What do you think?” Chanyeol says, extending a bottle of whisky towards him. “Peace offering.”

Baekhyun takes pause. “Sehun scolded you?”

“Sehun scolded me.”

“Come in” Baekhyun makes space for him. “He scolded me too.”

Chanyeol gives a half-hearted laugh, toeing off his shoes and moving towards the living room. “Of course he did.”

“Our maknae having to teach us a lesson. We must suck real bad at being adults.”

“We do” says Chanyeol, sitting on the sofa and depositing the bottle on the coffee table in front. “Sometimes.”

Baekhyun takes two glasses from the kitchen and brings them to the living room. “So you decided to come with a very expensive whisky.”

Chanyeol smiles the shy smile that Baekhyun always thinks is cute. “Yes.”

He proceeds to open the bottle and pour two double doses for them. They clink glasses and Baekhyun finishes his drink in a single gulp.

“Seriously? You can barely taste it that way” says Chanyeol indignant. 

“I needed that head start to prepare for whatever you came to say” he teases, but means it, while he pours himself another double dose.

Chanyeol laughs. “Sure.”

A pause.

“So?”

“So.”

Chanyeol is turning his glass, liquid swirling around. This makes Baekhyun nervous for some reason. Here they are, after almost seven years of coming and going, and an even longer friendship. He’s glad he has a cup of whisky in his hand right now. 

“I’m sorry” he finally says.

That tugs on Baekhyun’s heartstrings. Why does Chanyeol affect him so much even now? He wishes he could just punch him.

“I think we both fucked up” confesses Baekhyun, trying to keep his voice steady. He could be singing and dancing in front of thousands of people, but when it came to his ex-boyfriend, his voice faltered so easily. 

They are both glancing down. Baekhyun finishes his glass and pours more. 

“I should never have gone off on you and Taeyong like that,” says Chanyeol, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The poor kid has nothing to do with it. I just lost my temper so quickly, it was like blacking out with rage.”

Baekhyun feels his throat close.

“And now… I ruined that for you.”

“We ruined it together,” says Baekhyun. “I should’ve left with him, but I went with you. I guess my choice was made then.”

Another silence, as Baekhyun’s chest tightens. His heart actually hurts. He doesn’t know what he’s sadder about. Sabotaging things with Taeyong or the reason he keeps sabotaging all his attempts at relationships. It seems hopeless.

“Well, cheers to fucking things up yet again” he raises his glass and his eyes at Chanyeol.

They clink their cups and both finish their drinks. Baekhyun already feels his face heating up from the alcohol. He puts down his glass on the coffee table, determined not to drink more, even though he’s craving a good high right now. It’s probably a bad idea to get drunk with Chanyeol anyway.

“Are we good?” asks Chanyeol, putting his hand on Baekhyun’s exposed knee.

The light touch does things to him that he doesn’t want to feel. 

“Yes. Friends and members before anything, right?”

Chanyeol nods but doesn’t take his hand away. On the contrary, he starts sliding it up and down gently.

“Loey…”

“I miss you” he whispers, the confession crawling through Baekhyun’s skin like the wind.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, pained. Not this again. 

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“I know.”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and gathers the courage to look at him. Chanyeol is staring at his skin.

“Is that gonna stop you though?” asks Chanyeol.

He doesn’t wanna answer. He wants to kick him out of his apartment.

“No.”

Chanyeol moves closer to him, dropping his glass aside. His mouth is on Baekhyun’s neck and his fingers start to sneak up his leg, inside his robes. Baekhyun can’t help his lips from parting, inhaling deeply. Chanyeol kisses the curve of his neck and he palms Baekhyun’s semi-hard cock, making it fill up quickly under the touch. Baekhyun throws his head back, already lost to the familiar caress.

It’s been months since they have slept together and the realization of how much he missed being with him is so strong Baekhyun’s mind goes blank, drowning in the feeling of having Chanyeol against him once more. It’s way too good to be real and it’s always been that way. 

Chanyeol is like a drug. And Baekhyun thinks he’ll never get sober.

He could never deny him, deny a hit. It doesn’t matter where it leads or how it hurts the next morning.

Chanyeol is jerking him off slowly, pulling the robes off his shoulder to expose more skin. Baekhyun grips the locks of blond hair, holding on tight. Chanyeol grazes his teeth against his skin and Baekhyun shivers. He keeps kissing down Baekhyun’s chest, nibbling and sucking hard enough to leave marks. Baekhyun doesn’t care. He just wants to disappear in this fire and let it consume him, leave nothing else. He just wants to forget the hurt for a while.

His ex-boyfriend unties his robes and picks him up by the hips turning him around, ripping off the only piece of clothes Baekhyun has on. He braces himself on the couch’s backrest, while Chanyeol laps at his nape. Baekhyun feels his teeth sink into his shoulder, hard enough to break the skin, and he cries out, pain shooting up his body and mixing with the pain in his chest.

Baekhyun knows what he is saying, even without words.  _ You’re mine. _

He is in desperate need for Chanyeol to fill the void left in his heart. He hopes he will. 

Chanyeol’s index and middle right fingers slide inside Baekhyun’s mouth and he hums against them, sucking and coating them with spit. Chanyeol’s other hand holds him by the neck, pulling him back so he can look at his face.

When he’s satisfied, Chanyeol pulls out the fingers and pushes them without hesitation inside of Baekhyun’s ass. He lets out a dry sob, shutting his eyes hard. Chanyeol is still holding him by the neck, the pressure enough to make Baekhyun faintly breathless, while he bites at his ear and fucks him with two fingers, the burn enough for him to tear up, along with the pleasure that pulls moans out of his mouth. The hard truth is, after years of sex, Chanyeol knows exactly what to do to break Baekhyun and have him diminished to a feral mess.

Chanyeol lets him go. Baekhyun rests his head on the sofa, panting nonstop. Then, he feels the tip of Chanyeol’s cock against him.

The lack of lube makes it hurt more than it usually does and the fact that Chanyeol has a huge dick doesn’t help. But Baekhyun would be lying if he said that’s not exactly what he wants now, the familiar burn of his ex-boyfriend’s cock filling him whole. More tears are streaming freely down his face as he bites down on his bottom lip, while Chanyeol sinks in with an exhale. 

Chanyeol kisses his back and shoulders while Baekhyun’s body gets used to him. He’s still fully clothed, which makes Baekhyun feel even more vulnerable and exposed. 

“Go and fuck me,” he says, wanting the silence to end along with all the unwanted feelings in his mind.

Teeth break his skin again as Chanyeol starts moving slowly, but not taking long to pick up his speed. Baekhyun is moaning, either from pain or pleasure, probably both. 

Soon, Baekhyun has unraveled completely, feeling like he has been transported to another dimension, his mind high and reeling. He is desperate to touch himself, but when he tugs at his cock, Chanyeol takes his arm and turns it behind his back. He keeps railing against him, pulling louder and louder moans, fucking just shy of his prostate, driving him insane on purpose. It feels like he is fucking all of his frustration into him.

But when Baekhyun thinks he can’t take it anymore, Chanyeol moves just a bit, making him moan and cry out with the flare that’s shooting up and down all over his body. His fingers sink into the couch for purchase as he’s closer to his peak. He can faintly hear Chanyeol too, breath labored and loud from exertion. 

When his orgasm finally hits him, it’s like being knocked out from this plane of existence for a few seconds. He knows he is screaming and sobbing, but can’t hear his own noises. Coming down from it, he can feel Chanyeol’s cum fill him up, as he trembles through his own peak. They are both panting and still for a minute, then Chanyeol lets him go and pulls out. Baekhyun can’t hold himself up, so he slides to the couch, lying on his side and catching his breath, trying to come back to this world completely. He can’t feel his limbs. His body is covered in sweat, his face is flecked with tears and cum is starting to drip out of his ass. He’s suddenly cold and he fears that maybe Chanyeol is just gonna leave him there and go home.

But then he’s covered with his robes and picked up in strong arms.

Baekhyun hides his cried out face on Chanyeol’s shirt as they head to the bathroom. He places him on the seat, turns on the shower, and strips naked. Chanyeol kneels in front of Baekhyun and he wonders what he must look like now. A teary, cum, blood-covered mess. 

Chanyeol looks him in the eye, very serious, and cups his face.

“I still love you” confesses Baekhyun, in a whisper, because he can’t hold it in anymore.

“I know.”

“Don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

Baekhyun rests his head on his shoulder and starts to cry. Chanyeol holds and soothes him, telling him sweet things. In the shower, Chanyeol helps Baekhyun clean up. He’s sore all over, especially where Chanyeol bit him. He’ll probably bear the marks of their fuck for days to come. 

They get in bed naked. Chanyeol pulls him close into his arms, kisses the top of his head. Baekhyun is calmer now, more like himself again. Chanyeol pulls him by the chin and stares him in the eye.

“I still love you too.”

Baekhyun feels a million lights spark in his chest. He always knew, but hearing it yet again, after all those years, all the heartbreaks, all the fights, still moves him. Baekhyun leans in and kisses Chanyeol, who parts his lips to accommodate him. They move closer and deeper, tongues against each other, kissing like it’s the only thing that will quench their thirst.

If he’s destined to burn from this love, they might as well burn together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's supposed to hurt alright? i'm sorry :(  
> i have to admit to yall that writing this fic made me sad for over a month when i got to this part, not knowing how to make chanyeol and baekhyun forgive each other and be together. it took A LOT of energy and brute force to pull the words out of me. and i honestly don't know if you'll ever be satisfied with the end, i'm dreading posting it and showing it to you (that's why i disappeared for a while and didn't finish this before 2020 ended which was the original plan). but i'm just bucking up and doing it now that's why i posted 3 chapters in a row and soon I'll post the end. i hope its not too disappointing, especially for the ones that fell in love with baekyong (i also felt like pairing them up, taeyong is so sweet to him, but he belongs to doyoung-and ten-in this universe.) maybe one day i can write the alternate reality where baekhyun never rides up that elevator with chanyeol. or that doyoung rejects him. but either way eventually baekyong would break up when he went to the military, at least that's how i imagine. and taeyong would end up with ten, because yeah. 
> 
> anyway, the end will come soon.


	16. The inevitable

Baekhyun stops kissing Chanyeol to reach for his bedside table. He grabs the bottle of lube and coats his fingers.

“What are you doing?” asks Chanyeol, propped on his elbows.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m fucking you” says Baekhyun, now spreading some lube on his erection.

“What a gentleman” jokes Chanyeol with a smile.

“Says the guy who just fuck me raw without lube” Baekhyun takes his fingers between Chanyeol’s legs. “With a massive cock.”

He slides two fingers in without much hesitation and Chanyeol gasps.

“I bet you missed my massive cock” his ex says in a sultry voice and Baekhyun gets pissed by how it turns him on. “I missed you too, you know. So prep me quick, I want you inside me.”

Baekhyun does as he says, kissing Chanyeol’s neck while he’s at it. When the stretch is sufficient, he gets in between Chanyeol’s legs and pushes himself inside him. It’s still tight and Chanyeol digs his fingernails on Baekhyun’s back. He kisses Chanyeol on the mouth, drowning out the noises, and starts moving. Fucking his ex is so familiar and it’s as good as it used to be, when they toured together or at Chanyeol’s apartment or at their dorm. It’s so good it’s unfair, Baekhyun realizes, because it’s the best thing he’s ever had.

The pace quickens and they kiss wildly, giving in to the feeling of being together. And like everything they do, it’s a double-edged sword. It either hurts real bad or it tastes so good. 

Chanyeol’s hand snakes between their bodies as his noises grow and Baekhyun adjusts his position, sitting up and lifting Chanyeol’s hips. His ex throws back his head as pleasure overtakes him and he jerks off quickly, making spurts of cum paint his belly and chest. Baekhyun just watches mesmerized, heart beating in his chest so fast it might as well explode, and he’s so focused on Chanyeol his own orgasm catches him by surprise. He grunts and unloads inside Chanyeol, bending over and catching his breath with him. He kisses Chanyeol’s left chest before rolling off of him. 

Baekhyun is shaking.

Because he knows now that Chanyeol is inevitable.

No one will ever come close to him.

And that terrifies him immensely.

He covers his face with his hand as his eyes fill up with tears.

“Baekhyun? What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asks, worried, coming close to him. “Baby, don’t cry…”

“How the fuck can you say that?” says Baekhyun, half-laughing, half-crying. “After everything that happened? Taeyeon, Joy, Taeyong, and whoever else you fucked and we hurt…”

“Baekhyun,” he takes his face in his hand. “I know that it’s complicated. I know we have so much history it’s overwhelming. But I also know we can just talk things out and be together again if we want.”

That calms Baekhyun a bit and he tilts his head to look at Chanyeol better through his teary eyes.

“You wanna be together?”

Chanyeol chuckles and caresses his cheek.

“Of course I do,” he says. “Baekhyun, I love you so fucking much. I’m done letting us fuck around, we are not young anymore. I'm here and I don't want anyone else. I want you.”

Baekhyun is holding his breath surprised at the declaration from his ex.

“And I refuse to let you go.”

Chanyeol deposits a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Stop running away and let me love you” whispers Chanyeol.

Baekhyun sniffles and they huddle close.

“I think I’m gonna need you to say that a hundred times till I can believe it” he confesses under his breath.

Chanyeol smiles. “I’ll keep saying it for the rest of my life if you want.”

Baekhyun startles.

“You don’t mean it…”

“I do,” says Chanyeol, his eyes serious. He kisses Baekhyun. “But before we start, I’m gonna need another shower. And we should change the sheets.”

Baekhyun laughs and dries off his tears.

Later, showered again and on soft clean sheets, Chanyeol brings Baekhyun close and kisses his head.

"I'm gonna need you to hear me out on this, Hyunnie."

"Say it," whispers Baekhyun, feeling very calm finally, tracing Chanyeol's naked chest.

"After we broke up, I thought we were done. I tried my best to move on," he says. "But whenever you sought me out for sex, you confused the hell out of me. I'd spend weeks unsure of where we stood, but you acted normally. So I just let go. Until last year."

Baekhyun moves his head to look at Chanyeol now.

"After Obsession, we kept seeing each other. And I thought, maybe this is it, maybe he still loves me. I was already thinking about asking you to come back to me. But then I found out about Taeyong…" sighs Chanyeol. "It hurt a lot. It was like Taeyeon all over again. But you said it was a one-time thing and I decided I'd still ask you to try again."

Chanyeol cups his cheek and glances at him.

"I was so happy when you accepted," he keeps going. "Then all hell broke loose that day. I wish you'd told me how nervous you'd been. I wasn't going to kick you out, for fuck's sake. I just needed you to wait a bit while I tried to deal with her."

Baekhyun hides his face on Chanyeol's chest, embarrassed by his outburst that day.

"I didn't think we had really broken up… I thought you just needed a couple of days to cool down," Chanyeol says. "So when I saw you with Taeyong…"

Baekhyun kisses Chanyeol shut. They move their lips softly against each other.

"I'm sorry," laments Baekhyun.

"I'm sorry too," sniffles Chanyeol. "So much"

"We'll always be honest. Deal?" he says, wiping his eyes.

"Always" promises Chanyeol. 

And so it goes. Chanyeol does as he promised and keeps assuring Baekhyun he loves him for the next weeks, which actually works pretty well. Baekhyun likes safety and that’s something they never really experience. There were too many hurdles in their path and they were too young to deal with them. But not anymore.

“There’s something we should talk about,” says Chanyeol one night, as they lounge on the couch of his apartment.

Baekhyun is playing on his phone, laying in between Chanyeol’s legs.

“What?”

“SuperM.”

He freezes hearing that name. It’s exactly what he didn’t want to talk about with Chanyeol, what he was hoping they could ignore forever. But he guesses that’s not possible.

“What should we talk about?”

“I am a reasonable person, okay? I don’t expect you to cut contact with your bandmate or hate him” says Chanyeol. “I’m just saying, I’m obviously a bit jealous that you get to spend some time with him.”

“Channie,” Baekhyun turns to face him. “Spending time with Taeyong is the last thing I want to be doing right now.”

He cups Chanyeol’s cheeks.

“Honestly, I’d much rather stay here and not do this trip at all. But I have no choice. It’s my job.”

“I know that… Can you just promise me you’ll tell me if something happens? I just would rather know” says Chanyeol, looking dejected.

Baekhyun turns around completely and straddles Chanyeol, keeping their faces close and bodies flush.

“I’ll tell you everything. And nothing will happen, okay?” he whispers. “You’re the only one that I want.”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol wraps his arms around him.

“Yeah” Baekhyun kisses him softly.

Chanyeol’s hands slide down his back and stop on Baekhyun’s ass. He hums. They keep kissing and soon both are horny. Chanyeol sits up and lifts Baekhyun in his lap, easily taking him to his room and placing him down on the bed. He kisses Baekhyun’s neck at the same time that he pulls his shirt up, mouthing his nipple next. Baekhyun whimpers helplessly, letting his boyfriend have his way with him, just like both of them enjoy from time to time. The ministrations of affection will leave marks on Baekhyun’s fair skin, but that is the point. Chanyeol wants Baekhyun to be his, and Baekhyun wants to belong to Chanyeol too. And since the world can never know the reality of their love, the only things left are the fleeting marks under the clothes, easily concealed. 

Baekhyun grabs the lube as Chanyeol takes off his pants and underwear, fisting his cock and licking it. Baekhyun throws his head back, letting pleasure consume him, letting Chanyeol open him up. He’s panting and moaning by the time Chanyeol gets naked to lay on top of him. Baekhyun wraps his legs around him and Chanyeol, holding tight, drives into him in a steady motion that makes Baekhyun cry out. There's nothing like him, nothing like being one with Chanyeol, nothing remotely comes close. They kiss desperately while Chanyeol fucks him slowly and Baekhyun loses himself to the pleasure, his orgasm arriving easy and untouched. 

After Chanyeol cleans him up, they cuddle.

"Nothing will happen," Baekhyun assures him with a kiss.

  
  
  


Of course, he and his big mouth cursed the trip. Why would Taemin put him and Taeyong to sleep in the same trailer? But instead of walking to him and asking what the fuck is wrong with him, Baekhyun just puts on his pajamas and falls asleep as soon as he can. Being the leader is exhausting. Being the upbeat guy is exhausting. Even if that's his personality, turning it on 110% for the reality show is exhausting and draining. Especially when being around Taeyong does make him nervous still, even if the dongsaeng seems okay and to be having fun. It has been only one day and Baekhyun is already tired.

The next day, as their afternoon activities ended and they headed to their rental home for game night, Baekhyun pulls Taemin aside when the cameras are giving them a break.

"Taemin, seriously? Pairing me and Taeyong?"

"What about it?" says the SHINee member, holding his injured wrist like a reflex. "You seem to be doing fine. I thought you made up?"

"We did but I'm with Chanyeol" whispers Baekhyun. "So now I gotta tell him I shared a bed with Taeyong."

He is obviously frustrated and dreading it. Taemin smiles and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Hyunnie, stop worrying," Taemin says. "You're not giving you and Chanyeol enough credit. He'll understand it's just for show and nothing else."

Baekhyun makes a frown. "I'm just scared to lose him again."

The whispered confession was probably a bad idea because now he wants to cry in the middle of a shoot. Taemin pulls him for a hug. 

"You won't. Okay? Just be honest and he'll understand."

Baekhyun nods and pulls himself together. He needs to be Mr. Good Mood in a second.

"Production is telling me that this game will decide rooms for tonight," says Jongin to the group before they go in. "So can we ask that, if me or Taemin don't get to share one we switch things around?"

Everyone agrees, no questions asked. They get in the house, change into their pajamas, and start playing. Baekhyun is vying for first place, of course, but Taeyong suddenly seems to have a vendetta against him, asking everyone to beat him in the games. That makes me nervous, thinking maybe their peace was short-lived.

By the end of the night, neither Baekhyun, Jongin nor Taemin gets one of the individual rooms. They get split up by production but out of nowhere, Baekhyun declares Taeyong can't sleep alone and that he's going to sleep with him, which frees up space with Taemin for Jongin. When the camera crew is gone to their own accommodations and everything is off, Lucas disappears into Ten's room, but Baekhyun doesn't think much of it. He walks in to look for Taeyong, who gets up the moment he sees him.

"Hyung, I'm sorry, I can't do this, what I meant was for us to get along as friends…" Taeyong starts spouting nervously.

Seeing him like that kind of makes Baekhyun feel better.

"Taeyong, relax," he smiles. 

Taeyong frowns.

"I just came here to talk and then I'll go sleep with Mark" he explains.

"Oh. You surprised me with that" Taeyong chuckles, putting a hand on his chest. 

Baekhyun sits on the bed and Taeyong copies.

"I know I'm being a little extra," says Baekhyun. "But that is just how I'm supposed to act sometimes for the show. I hope it doesn't bother you."

"It's fine, hyung," Taeyong looks away. "I get it. We all have a job to do."

"In the end, I'm your leader and I should have acted more responsibly," sighs Baekhyun. "I can't help but feel guilty that I put us in this awkward situation now. I'm your senior and I should have known better."

"Don't beat yourself up," says Taeyong shyly. "I guess I was a bit… starstruck when SuperM started."

Both chuckle.

"And I was needy, honestly. I'm sorry. I feel like I used you."

"If anything, we used each other," says Taeyong. "And that's fine."

A moment of silence passes, but it's not uncomfortable.

"I'm back with Chanyeol now," says Baekhyun and he doesn't know why he feels the need to say it. Maybe to make it clear.

"I hope you can make it work" smiles Taeyong sincerely.

"Me too," whispers Baekhyun. "But I should leave you to sleep."

He gets up but Taeyong follows him. 

"You know what, why don't you take the bed and I'll stay with Mark?" he offers.

"Are you sure? There's no need-" Baekhyun opens the door and the sounds of distant but undeniable moaning fill their ears.

They look at each other and hold in a laugh.

"Who's…" goes Taeyong.

"Maybe Taemin and Jongin?" ponders Baekhyun. "Even with an injured wrist, wow."

Taeyong chuckles. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go, hyung. I'll come pretend to wake up here in the morning" he says expertly.

"Alright" Baekhyun nods. "Goodnight, Taeyong."

"Goodnight."

Baekhyun goes to bed happy. It was a short but nice conversation with his dongsaeng. And now he feels more confident in general, including telling Chanyeol how the trip went. 

But still, that feels like the biggest hurdle they'll face. So when Baekhyun gets back home, he calls Chanyeol to visit him at his apartment and talk.

"So? How was it?" 

It's clear Chanyeol is a bit nervous.

"Apart from having to share a bed one night, it was fine" Baekhyun rips the band-aid quickly. 

"You and Taeyong shared a bed?" asks Chanyeol with an awkward smile. 

"Taemin absentmindedly paired us in the trailer park" explains Baekhyun. "But I was so tired that I passed out in an instant, I didn't even see him until next morning when he was already up."

Baekhyun bites his lip nervously. Chanyeol seems to take a moment to process this and leans in for a kiss.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I thought I'd be more jealous but I'm not honestly," says Chanyeol. "I'm just glad you're here."

He grabs Baekhyun in his lap suddenly, making him laugh, and takes him into the bedroom. They fall over the soft sheets.

"Now I want you to fuck me because I'm prepped and missing you" smirks Chanyeol, taking off his shirt.

A blush creeps from Baekhyun's chest to his face. Even now, after years, his boyfriend has a way to make him flustered. They kiss and undress fast, eager to be with each other. Baekhyun fucks him and then, after a short rest, Chanyeol fucks him senseless, until they forget all their problems and the world outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥


	17. The golden scars

As Baekhyun continues to promote with SuperM, he and Chanyeol continue to get along great. They are both thriving in their careers and it seems like their personal lives are finally picking up too. Baekhyun is happy with him and he's starting to trust that they can be okay. 

But there always seems to be a problem in paradise. 

When it suddenly hits the news that an alleged ex-girlfriend of Chanyeol is claiming he cheated on her for three years, Baekhyun can't help his surprise. For a second, he believes it, thinking this was maybe Joy or someone else. Until he sees the pictures and remembers that under those markings it is him beside Chanyeol. That makes everything worse.

"How did they get access to those photos?" asks Baekhyun.

"I don't know" sighs Chanyeol. "Someone probably hacked my account and got them."

"This is bad. What are you gonna do?" Baekhyun's nerves are fusing. 

"SM won't say anything. And I can't exactly show that I'm in those pictures with you," says Chanyeol. "There isn't much to do except wait for it to be forgotten and hope whoever this is, doesn't decide to expose us too."

"You should stop syncing your phone to your cloud, change your passwords, just in case."

"Yeah, that's what my manager told me to do."

Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol. 

"I promise it'll be fine" he whispers softly. "You are stronger than all of this. Eris won't believe such nonsense about you."

Chanyeol has a faint smile on his face. 

"Thanks for saying that," he answers. "It helps a lot that you are by my side through it all."

"It's what I want the most, Loey," says Baekhyun resting their foreheads together. "To be with you always."

"Do you mean that?" Chanyeol mutters, voice heavy with emotion.

"Yes," Baekhyun kisses him. "I trust you," he kisses him again. "I wanna be with you," and again. "Forever."

Chanyeol hides his face in Baekhyun's shoulder and sniffles, holding him tight. They stay like that for a moment and because he knows Chanyeol is crying, Baekhyun cries too, silently. It's tears of hurt but also relief and thankfulness for being together during tough times. They've been through hell and high water, and it only made them stronger in the end. And it's okay to be vulnerable at a time like this.

Baekhyun runs his hands over Chanyeol's back softly.

"I love you" he whispers, kissing his cheek.

Chanyeol pulls back to join their lips again. It tastes salty and wet, but great, and Baekhyun lets the boyfriend lead the way because he knows that's what he needs now, to be in control again, even if it's just in between them. He gives himself willingly, yearning to be with him. Chanyeol pulls at their clothes and they fall to the floor, forgotten. He puts Baekhyun on his knees, leaning against the backrest of the couch. 

"I love you too" he whispers at Baekhyun's ear and he smiles because those words never lose their magic. 

Chanyeol starts kissing down from Baekhyun's nape to his spine and then his tail bone. Baekhyun arches his back and a moan escapes his lips as Chanyeol starts rimming him, soft and then hard, slipping two fingers to start opening him up. It's driving Baekhyun insane to hold back his noises and his high. 

"Gonna cum, don't" whines Baekhyun, because he wants Chanyeol to fuck him.

But Chanyeol doesn't stop, he just takes his fingers out and wraps a hand around Baekhyun's erection, stroking it slowly. That's enough to tip him over and he cums with a scream. He's panting as Chanyeol gets behind him and pushes his cock inside. Baekhyun gasps. His pleasure doesn't stop somehow, it keeps going, his boyfriend's dick doing wonders in reaching his prostate. Chanyeol moves his hips slowly, kissing Baekhyun's back softly. He can't stop little moans from coming out, he's sensitive but not in a bad way, he wants more, wants to be fucked by Chanyeol stronger. 

"Baby, harder please" he whimpers and Chanyeol wraps a hand around his waist, bodies flushed, and starts snapping his hips faster. "A-ah, yes, fuck…"

The rhythm, their breaths, their heartbeats pick up, as Chanyeol fucks Baekhyun against the couch, pulling louder and louder moans out of him. It's rough, but soft at the same time. And soon Baekhyun is approaching his second orgasm, and it feels like a thunderstorm rolling in. He cries out for Chanyeol, who doesn't falter, and then they are barreling together towards their blinding high.

Baekhyun loses conscience after it, only waking up in the bathtub with Chanyeol gently stroking his cheek. He turns around to glance at him and doubts he's ever seen such a look of adoration in his eyes before. It's like a veil has been lifted finally, after all the years, and Baekhyun understands Chanyeol's love for him. He can only hope that Chanyeol understands his love for him. He'll surely try to show it every day now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it. this is the end. if you feel that it's a bit open-ended, it's because it is. after all their lives continue on. and i also couldn't keep writing this story, so maybe it ends abruptly. if you made it till here i'm imagining you liked it or you hated it and hate yourself by continue reading kalskjasasj either way don't leave nasty comments, because they are hurtful.
> 
> since we are here, check out my other chanbaek "The green scarf" which is so soft and sweet and has no angst, and chanyeol is so cute in it, it makes up for this entire fic lmao XD
> 
> stay safe everyone ♥


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